#26 September 23rd, 2005 01:01 PM

Merricat

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

Love is one of the most important things in the world to me.

Then again, so is sexuality and sensuality.

So in general this means that while sex in a loving relationship or at least an intense relationship can be really really amazing and great, I don't necessarily prefer it. I can be perfectly content with sex that's more casual, and sometimes I even prefer that. At the same time, if I'm in a long-term relationship, I don't miss the casual sex.

And actually I think one can have both casual and "loving" sex with the same person. Sometimes with my current boy we both just wanna fuck. It's fast and friendly and the air of it is really fairly casual. Other times I want to do the whole looking into each others eyes and feeling extremely connected and caring thing. This isn't necessarily rough sex vs. "soft" sex, either, rough sex can be really loving as well. It's just sometimes things can be more intense and other times we can be...less intense!

And I really like that.

pia

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

mmmm for me.. sex is better with love involved, but it doesn't have to be the  "i want to be with you for the rest of my life" kind of love.

I dont think love discriminates between the length of time people may have known each other for.
I think when each person who is involved in a sexual relationship respects themselves and is capable of loving, then whether that relationship lasts for a few hours or for years the love that is exchanged or felt or whatever is the same. Of course there are other feelings that get so closely associated with love such as lust and desire, trust and security, judgement and attachment and these emotions often become stronger or lesser as time gos by . . but in my experience the thing I call love is essentially the same no matter where or when it pops up.

So .. I think sex is better with love .. but I think sex has the potential to have love involved regardless of how casual or familliar the relationship is.

Anyway... its sunny and beautiful outside and so i'm going to go to the beach now.. I'm going to add more to this later when its dark or cold or something an i've got nothing better to do .. I just wanted to get started and join in on this forum cos its been a long time that I've been meaning to.

see you

jdudley76

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

. . . but in my experience the thing I call love is essentially the same no matter where or when it pops up.

Hmm, everytime I've been in love has been different. I would say no two loves are ever the same.

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"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."   - George W. Bush, as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

blissed

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

Our free will is much weaker than we realise. It's evolved simply to make us aware of danger, navigate away from it, and therefore be aware of ourselves.
Emotions and instincts are much stronger and well developed,
they can relieve us of our free will at any moment and guide our behaviour to the good of the species and not just ourselves.
   You meet someone you fancy, you flirt, you get to like them, you get close, and the physical attraction, the liking them as a person all role into one and at some tipping point your free will is relieved of command, and your in love. It's been scientifically proved ( in Germany) to be a chemically altered state of mind that lasts for 1 to 6 years.
I think we have to always remember that the purpose of sex is to reproduce and it's very efficient at getting us to do that in any way it can.

   I find, It's better to let a sexual episode unfold at a pace I'm comfortable with. because The better I know someone the more confidence I have. Some people have so much confidence that it's only STDs that put the brakes on wild multiple bonking sessions.
    If you have the confidence though, one night stands could be nice. A bit like having a delightful, flirty conversation with someone you just met and may never see again. Though mine we're always youthful, furtive, and embarrassing. The key I think is just to relax and enjoy. Hope there's a few gems of wisdom there.

Cheers,

Gordon

vadek28

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

It's been scientifically proved ( in Germany) to be a chemically altered state of mind that lasts for 1 to 6 years.

Hence the seven year itch? 

blissed

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

I think we have to always remember that the purpose of sex is to reproduce and it's very efficient at getting us to do that in any way it can.
[/QUOTE]

Just read my own post and thought, what about homosexuality?
I don't think it needs a proven function to be accepted fully but,
it seems to serve a balancing function in most mammal populations, though I think we're unsure how it works. and it seems to follow the same path as heterasexuals when it comes to falling in love.
I'm always very conscous of the feelings of people who are homosexual, because they get so much stick for no good reason.

SCSIgirl

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

I think we have to always remember that the purpose of sex is to reproduce and it's very efficient at getting us to do that in any way it can.

[/QUOTE=]Just read my own post and thought, what about homosexuality?
I don't think it needs a proven function to be accepted fully but,
it seems to serve a balancing function in most mammal populations, though I think we're unsure how it works. and it seems to follow the same path as heterasexuals when it comes to falling in love.
I'm always very conscous of the feelings of people who are homosexual, because they get so much stick for no good reason.[/QUOTE]

Sex (homo, hetro, and self inflicted) is a basic function of the human body.  Just like eating, sleeping, and breathing.  It does more than just dump a lot of endorphins (sp?) on the brain.  It is proven that it also dumps a lot of white cells in the body and beefs up the immune system (probably because of expected invasion).  In women, especially,  it strengthens the entire constitution  (preparing for childbirth?)

In our guilt-ridden society (worldwide) sex becomes an easy target,  because we can really exist without it.  Unlike eating or breathing we can still live weak, shallow lives.  If we deny our selves food,  we eventually die.  If we deny our selves sex,  we just become illness prone and fanatical.

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"Apple of my Eye", "bated breath", "brave new world", "caught red-handed" - all coined by Shakespeare.

catt

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

I've had my share of complexities in life, and I find simplicity far more appealing now.

Am exactly the same.  Hence my quote of choice *S*

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the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

catt

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

Love is one of the most important things in the world to me.

Then again, so is sexuality and sensuality.

So in general this means that while sex in a loving relationship or at least an intense relationship can be really really amazing and great, I don't necessarily prefer it. I can be perfectly content with sex that's more casual, and sometimes I even prefer that. At the same time, if I'm in a long-term relationship, I don't miss the casual sex.

And actually I think one can have both casual and "loving" sex with the same person. Sometimes with my current boy we both just wanna fuck. It's fast and friendly and the air of it is really fairly casual. Other times I want to do the whole looking into each others eyes and feeling extremely connected and caring thing. This isn't necessarily rough sex vs. "soft" sex, either, rough sex can be really loving as well. It's just sometimes things can be more intense and other times we can be...less intense!

And I really like that.

Hi, gorgeous girl!  Long time no see...

Some people have a hard time differentiating between Making Love (as queasy a term as that is for me), Sex and Fucking, and I believe there's truly a difference.  And all three have their place in a relationship.

How are things, anyways?

xxxCattxxx

---

the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

catt

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

mmmm for me.. sex is better with love involved, but it doesn't have to be the  "i want to be with you for the rest of my life" kind of love.

I dont think love discriminates between the length of time people may have known each other for.
I think when each person who is involved in a sexual relationship respects themselves and is capable of loving, then whether that relationship lasts for a few hours or for years the love that is exchanged or felt or whatever is the same. Of course there are other feelings that get so closely associated with love such as lust and desire, trust and security, judgement and attachment and these emotions often become stronger or lesser as time gos by . . but in my experience the thing I call love is essentially the same no matter where or when it pops up.

So .. I think sex is better with love .. but I think sex has the potential to have love involved regardless of how casual or familliar the relationship is.

Anyway... its sunny and beautiful outside and so i'm going to go to the beach now.. I'm going to add more to this later when its dark or cold or something an i've got nothing better to do .. I just wanted to get started and join in on this forum cos its been a long time that I've been meaning to.

see you

Hey there Pia,

It's good to see you on the forums again, too.  There's not much I can add to this conversation, really, as I feel it's all been said (and rather well, too).  Hope you had fun at the beach (lucky you), and look forward to seeing you around here more often when it's dark or cold, and there's nothing good on the telly.

xxCattxx

---

the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

catt

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

I think we have to always remember that the purpose of sex is to reproduce and it's very efficient at getting us to do that in any way it can.

...sometimes too efficient.  Although it's also heavily psychological, as well as physiological.  Possibly a tangent, but it's been said that for some, having children is their only way of 'being creative', or that fathering/mothering a child is the only 'achievement' that some can accomplish.  But that's a cynical viewpoint by an outsider to the partnership, and each case individual and not to be judged by that same outsider.

(Do you think I need more or less coffee?)

Hope there's a few gems of wisdom there.

More than I can currently provide in my state of rambling...

---

the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

pia

Member

Re: Love And Sex, Sex And Love

Hmm, everytime I've been in love has been different. I would say no two loves are ever the same.

Once we were talking about love and the following question was aksed . "Is the love that you have for your Mum or your Lover or your Friend or your Child or your Dog, all the same or different"

My friend replied by using an analogy of love being like beef - you can have beef stroganof or steak diane or minced beef or whatever and they are all different but it's still beef your eating. I kind of agree with her (even though I am vegetarian and don't know much about beef .. maybe I should change it to tofu) anyway this is what I meant when I said love was all the same.