#1 May 12th, 2006 11:43 AM

SCSIgirl

Member

Heaven.

A coupla buds were argueing backstage during a show over how many virgins a muslim is supposed to get in Heaven.  One was certain it was 47,  another 74.  In my natural bubble-busting way,  I pointed out that it really didn't matter.  If it's 74,  what are you going to do on the 75th day?????  As Confucious say "Virginity like ballon:  one prick, all gone."

Anyway,  now the cannons were aimed at me to explain what Heaven is.  So here let me explain it to all of you.  Heaven is not harps, people sitting idly on clouds talking about nonsense they cannot control.  That's here on earth.

Heaven is a long level grassy field with no insects.  It is dotted with old trucks, motorhomes, and possibly a locomotive.  Nearby is a shop with all the tools and parts needed for complete restoration.  While I'm wrenching happily away,  naked women stroll around with chilled glasses of fresh-squeezed lemonade.  Their object is to distract me from my endevours.  Liandra is pretty good at it.  Actually there are several dozen who are pretty good at it.  That's why restoring your favorite truck takes an eternity.

You wanna come to heaven,  you gotta like old machinery.  Maybe I'll see you there

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"Apple of my Eye", "bated breath", "brave new world", "caught red-handed" - all coined by Shakespeare.

paintjam

Member

Re: Heaven.

A coupla buds were argueing backstage during a show over how many virgins a muslim is supposed to get in Heaven.  One was certain it was 47,  another 74.  In my natural bubble-busting way,  I pointed out that it really didn't matter.  If it's 74,  what are you going to do on the 75th day?????  As Confucious say "Virginity like ballon:  one prick, all gone."

Anyway,  now the cannons were aimed at me to explain what Heaven is.  So here let me explain it to all of you.  Heaven is not harps, people sitting idly on clouds talking about nonsense they cannot control.  That's here on earth.

Heaven is a long level grassy field with no insects.  It is dotted with old trucks, motorhomes, and possibly a locomotive.  Nearby is a shop with all the tools and parts needed for complete restoration.  While I'm wrenching happily away,  naked women stroll around with chilled glasses of fresh-squeezed lemonade.  Their object is to distract me from my endevours.  Liandra is pretty good at it.  Actually there are several dozen who are pretty good at it.  That's why restoring your favorite truck takes an eternity.

You wanna come to heaven,  you gotta like old machinery.  Maybe I'll see you there

do we have to bring our own tools???
jamie

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'stay beautiful'

Belgareth

Member

Re: Heaven.

A coupla buds were argueing backstage during a show over how many virgins a muslim is supposed to get in Heaven.  One was certain it was 47,  another 74.  In my natural bubble-busting way,  I pointed out that it really didn't matter.  If it's 74,  what are you going to do on the 75th day?????  As Confucious say "Virginity like ballon:  one prick, all gone."

Anyway,  now the cannons were aimed at me to explain what Heaven is.  So here let me explain it to all of you.  Heaven is not harps, people sitting idly on clouds talking about nonsense they cannot control.  That's here on earth.

Heaven is a long level grassy field with no insects.  It is dotted with old trucks, motorhomes, and possibly a locomotive.  Nearby is a shop with all the tools and parts needed for complete restoration.  While I'm wrenching happily away,  naked women stroll around with chilled glasses of fresh-squeezed lemonade.  Their object is to distract me from my endevours.  Liandra is pretty good at it.  Actually there are several dozen who are pretty good at it.  That's why restoring your favorite truck takes an eternity.

You wanna come to heaven,  you gotta like old machinery.  Maybe I'll see you there

I'm allergic to oil, that's why my car goes to a garage. So what do the guys like me do, while you're distracting all of the ladies who are distracting you. Come to think of it, does it really matter? I'll be old machinery by the time I get there anyway!

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[color="Red"]require "help.pl";[/color]

SCSIgirl

Member

Re: Heaven.

do we have to bring our own tools???
jamie

You have the tools, Hon.  Maybe you're the check out clerk at the shop.  "Keep Jamie happy or:  NO TOOLS".

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"Apple of my Eye", "bated breath", "brave new world", "caught red-handed" - all coined by Shakespeare.

SCSIgirl

Member

Re: Heaven.

I'm allergic to oil, that's why my car goes to a garage. So what do the guys like me do, while you're distracting all of the ladies who are distracting you. Come to think of it, does it really matter? I'll be old machinery by the time I get there anyway!

No allergies in Heaven.  Think of it, Bel,  you can finally get that massage with genuine Harley Oil!!!!   VaRoooooommmmmmm.

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"Apple of my Eye", "bated breath", "brave new world", "caught red-handed" - all coined by Shakespeare.

Head

Administrator

Re: Heaven.

Heaven is a long level grassy field with no insects.  It is dotted with old trucks, motorhomes, and possibly a locomotive.  Nearby is a shop with all the tools and parts needed for complete restoration.  While I'm wrenching happily away,  naked women stroll around with chilled glasses of fresh-squeezed lemonade.  Their object is to distract me from my endevours.  Liandra is pretty good at it.  Actually there are several dozen who are pretty good at it.  That's why restoring your favorite truck takes an eternity.

You wanna come to heaven,  you gotta like old machinery.  Maybe I'll see you there

Yes, machinery.  But it's against the second law of thermodynamics to fix it up - you must let it decay in the field.  Let the grass and weeds infiltrate and little animals build nests.  It will become a scary microcosm of mysterious insects and anthropods and you'll only touch the protruding parts to feel how warm the rust is, then rub the oxide between your fingers and remember never to sit on it.   Trim the vegetation back just so much that you can watch the rust and slow disintegration as the earth reclaims the minerals.  It's very slow, but just as rewarding as fixing it up - and you don't have to do anything.

Heaven is here:
http://www.lighthouse.net.au/LIGHTS/TAS … Island.htm

...and not a single naked girl to be seen.

LeoBloom

Member

Re: Heaven.

On the subject of the 47 or 74 virgins on offer in the Muslim Heaven, I seem to remember reading somewhere that, according to the latest Islamic scholarship, the word that has generally been interpreted as 'virgin' more probably means 'green grape'. I like to imagine the expression on the face of Mohammed Atta and his mates when they got up there, and the Prophet welcomes them with 'Right, lads, here's your grapes!'

katt

Member

Re: Heaven.

Heaven is a long level grassy field with no insects.  It is dotted with old trucks, motorhomes, and possibly a locomotive.  Nearby is a shop with all the tools and parts needed for complete restoration.  While I'm wrenching happily away,  naked women stroll around with chilled glasses of fresh-squeezed lemonade.  Their object is to distract me from my endevours.  Liandra is pretty good at it.  Actually there are several dozen who are pretty good at it.  That's why restoring your favorite truck takes an eternity.

You wanna come to heaven,  you gotta like old machinery.  Maybe I'll see you there

sounds like yhe best hevev ive ever heard of! i'll be there. and how great we are nude

SCSIgirl

Member

Re: Heaven.

sounds like yhe best hevev ive ever heard of! i'll be there. and how great we are nude

You could seduce just about anybody with those eyes and that smile.  Even the most hardened mechanic.

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"Apple of my Eye", "bated breath", "brave new world", "caught red-handed" - all coined by Shakespeare.