#1 March 6th, 2006 03:29 AM

murphye

Member

The "Project"

I am an athletic, good-looking, successful guy aged 26. I am in serious trouble, in my own opinion. See, I have no physical experience with women. I have always been shy and also too picky about whom I let myself be attracted to. Also, sometimes I don't have a fun personality. Finally, I cannot flirt, period.

Now I am so embarrassed that I can't find myself to make a move on a woman. It's a Catch 22. I am screwed because I don't know how to screw, or even "make a move". Every woman I have dated has not progressed beyond 1 or 2 dates, mostly because I get nervous or I end it for some dumb reason. Women like confident guys, and they sense my discomfort.

I have posted on this board before about this problem, and the best advice that someone posted was to find a woman to take me on as a "project". I think it's a good idea, because she would know from the get-go, and she would like to teach me the ropes of intimacy and sex. I am a sexual retard needing special sex ed.

How do I find such a woman? Any ideas?

Now I know some of you are going to write "it will come naturally", or wait to have my first time with someone that I love. Well, I can't love someone if I can't get into a relationship first! With me, it doesn't come naturally, and that is why I am writing this.

Thanks in advance.

maxi

Member

Re: The "Project"

Don't worry Murphye as a fellow relationship retard I have some advice! Hire the film Amelie from the video store. It is full of tips such as hanging out in ghost rides dressed as a skeleton (gosh I love skeletons). It will also make you feel warm and fuzzy in your tummy knowing that even girls a beautiful as Audrey Tatou have bad sex when they first start!!! Oh sorry this is about you....

catt

Member

Re: The "Project"

Since my last set of advice to you was perhaps not so helpful, I second Maxi's suggestion.

Catt

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the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

catt

Member

Re: The "Project"

Actually, just join a dating site.  Be upfront and honest in your bio descriptive.  Describe yourself, and your situation, and put in something (light-hearted/amusing) along the lines of "looking to be educated in the matters of life, lust and love - just please go gentle on me!", etc.  Am sure you'll find someone in no time who will be able to help you past this one stage of your life where you're needing a kickstart.

Catt

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the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

stuffnjunk

Member

Re: The "Project"

If you have a problem with confidence, there are a couple of things you can do. First, do something totally unrelated to relationships or sex or women or whatever to build up your confidence. Climb a mountain, ride a bike in a race, have a write-your-name-in-the-snow contest with your buddies and a keg of beer...whatever. Make yourself feel better about yourself, and in the meantime, you'll become a more interesting person because you're going out and doing something.

Second, crash and burn. A lot. Ask women out, and get shot down. Don't build it up in your head that she is the one or something like that. Take her out for coffee, maybe lunch, something like that. If you don't get anywhere with her, move along. Don't pine over it. The more you get shot down, the more you'll realize that it won't kill you and you'll feel more confident asking women out.

wantingscott

Member

Re: The "Project"

here's my honest advice:
first realise that men don't, in fact, "pick up" women. a successful pickup is usually the result of a woman noticing the man first and predetermining for herself that she will would allow iy.

second, stricking up dumb fluff conversation about anything is essential to putting a stranger (i.e. a girl) at ease. but not just blindly. only do it if you notice that she has stolen a glance at you first.

i'm talking the grocery store, the library, starbucks. boring quiet places...

cheers,
Scott

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that's the way it goes. but don't forget, it goes the other way too.

alyce

Member

Re: The "Project"

If it's confidence around women you're lacking, spend some time making friends with women and forget about the other side for awhile.

I've always found that the guys that have a lot of women in their lives seem to be more confident around women.  And, also it is the same with girls around guys.  It's a bit of a generalisation, and there are exceptions, but those who spend more time with the opposite sex in non-sexual environments are more at ease when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.  Your friends will be a good sounding board for relating experiences to get feedback on what may/may not have happened as it should.

A lot of guys can't flirt.  A lot of girls can't either.  And style of flirting is so different between everyone. As long as you're not rude to a girl who is interested, I don't really see this as a problem.  Just be genuinely interested in getting to know her better.  Don't be overly gushing with compliments either, but one here or there can't hurt.