#1 December 29th, 2005 12:20 PM

murphye

Member

The 26 Year Old Virgin

Have you seen the movie 40 Year Old Virgin? Well, I am 26 and a lot better looking and cooler than the character in the movie. However, I am becoming self-conscious about being a virgin at this age, much like the character.

My New Years Resolution for like the last 7 years has been to get laid. Well, another year is almost gone by without getting laid. It's pathetic because I am very good looking and a nice person. I just can't meet a girl to go out with and have something happen between us to want us to have sex with each other!

Basically I am desparate. I am not a womanizer and seemingly just don't have what it takes to get a woman into bed. I read these books about women, but they do not help.

If anyone has any realistic ideas on how I can get laid without buying a prostitute, I would appreciate it.

murphy

P.S. The greatest sexual advance I have received from a girl was in 7th grade who left a note for me saying that she wanted me to come over to her house and have sex with her! I was only like 12 or 13 at the time, so that scared me. 13 years have gone by with nothing better than that, it's pathetic.

P.P.S. There are many women on this site I would love to lose my virginity to!

catt

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

I'm rolling my eyes at myself here already, but there truly IS no shame in being a virgin at ANY age.  However, when I was around 26-27, I had several male friends of the same age who had never had sex, and it (infuriatingly, to me) bothered them too.  So I'll try to help you out here;

My New Years Resolution for like the last 7 years has been to get laid.

This might be where you're going wrong.  If you're inexperienced with the whole 'going out to get laid' routine, it might come off as a tad desperate.  Some guys are just naturally slick, and some get there with a lot of practice, but these two types manage to pull off the one-nighters-in-a-bar with relative ease.  You - a probable tangle of nerves and apprehension - will be radiating '2 minutes in the sack, and possibly tears for afters' (am in no way saying this would be the case, but it might be the conclusion some girls will come to).

A tough spot to be in, but you know, it'll happen.  Many guys (and girls) just want their virginity gone so they can stop worrying about it and move on into the dating game, but it's seriously just a social conditioning, a term, and nothing more than an outdated formality.  It's your first time (like with the first time you rode a bike, or drank a beer, or kicked a ball), and you don't need a certificate once you've breached it.

You say you're a good looking, nice chap - and maybe you're getting the "Let's be friends" spiel from your female peers right now - but looks also have nothing to do with it (ever see a trailer park family?  Those guys probably lost their virginity at 12...) either. 

The answer?  Confidence.  100%.  If you can sell yourself to yourself, people will buy.  I'm not saying be a swaggering, arrogant jerk (because there's nothing attractive whatsoever about that), but if you're out, behave as though sex is the last thing on your mind.  Get out more, meet likeminded people.  Bars aren't the be all and end all of dating - try doing a short course on something really specific that you enjoy...God, that sounds nerdy.  What I mean is, surround yourself with the type of people you dig - and everything else should follow.

P.P.S. There are many women on this site I would love to lose my virginity to!

Hardly surprising, really!

Catt

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the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

jdudley76

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

I think Catt has some really good advice there. In my experience the #1 thing girls respond to is confidence. This can be frustratingly ironic, because it tends to be the jerks that don't give a shit that most easily come across as confident. When you care about how a girl reacts to you because you really like her, that can tend to kill it. You almost have to trick yourself into being in a place where "it's ok if this one doesn't like me like that, because there are a lot more great girls out there." I can somewhat Identify with what you're going through. I did lose my virginity at 16, but I wasn't ready from a maturity stand point, and I had such a messed up experience, that I didn't have sex again until I was 24. At first it was by choice, but by the time I was 20 or so, it was more my lack of confidence, wondering if there was something wrong with me that held me back.

The best advice is ironicly the most difficult to do: Stop caring about it. There really is noting wrong with being a virgin, and there's nothing wrong with you. I would guess that you are actually a really careing guy, and once you can get your confidence up, you are exactly what a lot of girls are looking for.

Concentrate on other interests and find people that share those interests. Ask girls out that you meet in a casual way as if it's not a big deal, and let things grow from there. Don't worry about loosing your virginity in a certain timeframe, and it will happen much faster than if you do.

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"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."   - George W. Bush, as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

blissed

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

surround yourself with the type of people you dig - and everything else should follow.

Once you've taken that advice, I think you'd be happier falling in love with someone, and then relaxing and enjoying sex that isn't goal orientated.

MrPicMe

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

...to be the devils advocate: If you're goal was to have your cherry popped, you could muster up $50 and a phone call. That would get the job done in a jiff.

jdudley76

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

...to be the devils advocate: If you're goal was to have your cherry popped, you could muster up $50 and a phone call. That would get the job done in a jiff.

I think the point is that there is a psychological issue of feeling that there must be something wrong with you if you've gone this long without a girl WANTING to have sex with you. Paying for sex doesn't make you feel better about this. Being someone whose been through this myself, I can say that it's something that is mostly your own fears and anxieties working against you. What ultimately cures it is ROMANCE and the sex that goes with it, not just sex for its own sake. Paying someone for sex doesn't make you feel special and wanted and loveable.

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"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."   - George W. Bush, as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

catt

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

I think the point is that there is a psychological issue of feeling that there must be something wrong with you if you've gone this long without a girl WANTING to have sex with you. Paying for sex doesn't make you feel better about this. Being someone whose been through this myself, I can say that it's something that is mostly your own fears and anxieties working against you. What ultimately cures it is ROMANCE and the sex that goes with it, not just sex for its own sake. Paying someone for sex doesn't make you feel special and wanted and loveable.

Good points, J.  On top of that, the poster mentioned that he's not interested in paying for sex - which is why I didn't suggest it in my response.  It's fine for some people, not for others.

Your first (or 57th) time doesn't have to be about love, or even emotion - depends on what you're looking for.  If he just wants to 'get it over with', then that is just as valid a stance.  Personally, I absolutely cannot physically connect unless there's some type of feeling there, but I know that I'm not in the majority on that.

xxCattxx

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the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

SCSIgirl

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

...to be the devils advocate: If you're goal was to have your cherry popped, you could muster up $50 and a phone call. That would get the job done in a jiff.

Where?  In Burma??  Last I heard,  it was 5 Franklins and up in this country.

I'm not in a position to comment on paid-for sex as I've never participated,  but I see no difference between your palm,  the liver in the fridge,  your neighbor's sheep or the adult toy:  if the other party isn't participating,  it's just masturbation.  And that can be done cheap and at almost anytime.

However, the poster is looking for someone who WANTS to be there.  Big difference.  The best sex is shareing.  It doesn't have to be a lifetime commitment  (very few are),  just someone who wants to share the good time with you.

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"Apple of my Eye", "bated breath", "brave new world", "caught red-handed" - all coined by Shakespeare.

MrPicMe

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

I'm not in a position to comment on paid-for sex as I've never participated,  but I see no difference between your palm,  the liver in the fridge,  your neighbor's sheep or the adult toy:  if the other party isn't participating,  it's just masturbation.  And that can be done cheap and at almost anytime. However, the poster is looking for someone who WANTS to be there.  Big difference.  The best sex is shareing.  It doesn't have to be a lifetime commitment  (very few are),  just someone who wants to share the good time with you.

I agree with you, but I think you'd be surprised at how much better a professional can be over said liver. Don't knock it until you try it. My recomendation on the liver is 101.2degF, and a word of advice that my grandmother always used to say; "Don't leave your meat in too long or it might dry out!" Go Granny go!!!

PS: Baste, then POUND YOUR MEAT!!!

murphye

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

There are some good comments so far.

I wish I could find another virgin to have sex with. That would put a lot less pressure on me.

A while back I was chatting with this gal online, and we got to talking about sex. She likes to have sex for fun on the weekends. I asked her what she would think if the guy that she was going to have sex with told her that he is a virgin. She said that she would freak out of a guy told her that.

That is the type of girl I need to avoid I guess.

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OK, let me take this even further. Let me say that I have also never kissed a girl. I have had my chances but was too nervous. That is even more pathetic. Keep in mind I am not some freak who lives in his moms basement. In everyday life, I am good-looking and normal. It's only when it comes to lack of intimacy experience that I am the freak.

Maybe I should just go see a psychologist and get it over with, because that is probably what I need.

Murphy

mikhaill

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

OK, let me take this even further. Let me say that I have also never kissed a girl. I have had my chances but was too nervous. That is even more pathetic. Keep in mind I am not some freak who lives in his moms basement. In everyday life, I am good-looking and normal. It's only when it comes to lack of intimacy experience that I am the freak.

Maybe I should just go see a psychologist and get it over with, because that is probably what I need.

Murphy

Seriously.

Physical intimacy is going to be really fucking intimidating for you if at this stage of your life you  haven't kissed a woman, ever.

You're in real danger of trying to hide your lack of experience from prospective partners, but that is problematic because your performance, and your inevitable nervousness, is likely to make her wonder what's going on.

If you're lucky you'll find a girl willing to treat you as a "project", and train you. There's a high likelihood you'll promptly fall head over heels in love with her, while she'll not have anything like the same feelings for you.

I wish you luck, dude, and suggest some counselling or sex therapy.

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Witty one-liner encapsulating powerful insight.

overslacked

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

Hmn ... I hope you aren't offended if I take your post apart. It's interesting though.

I wish I could find another virgin to have sex with. That would put a lot less pressure on me.

I don't think you'll find this to be the case. My old girlfriend and I were both virgins. She hadn't spent any time getting to know herself, and I couldn't do anything she really liked. After a couple weeks, I was so anxious about pleasing her that I couldn't stay erect for sex. I would be ready until the *moment* before. A girl who's had sex before will probably make the experience more satisfying.

A while back I was chatting with this gal online, and we got to talking about sex. She likes to have sex for fun on the weekends. I asked her what she would think if the guy that she was going to have sex with told her that he is a virgin. She said that she would freak out of a guy told her that.

That is the type of girl I need to avoid I guess.

I once told a friend of mine that I would hate dating a virgin. Long story short, her and I get together several months later and it turns out she's a virgin. Foot in mouth. I hope Catt or another woman will speak to this from a woman's perspective, but I loved it - playing with someone who was new to the sport was great; they say the best way to learn something is to teach it.

If you're going to wait for someone you care about, then I don't think it'll be too much of an issue. But, if you just want to have a weekend fling, you'll probably want to keep that bit of information to yourself.

OK, let me take this even further. Let me say that I have also never kissed a girl. I have had my chances but was too nervous. That is even more pathetic. Keep in mind I am not some freak who lives in his moms basement. In everyday life, I am good-looking and normal. It's only when it comes to lack of intimacy experience that I am the freak.

Maybe I should just go see a psychologist and get it over with, because that is probably what I need.

You'll need to stop thinking yourself pathetic.

I can think of a few reasons for being this nervous, but your mention of seeing a psychologist makes me think there are other factors that you haven't shared. I don't know anyone who was harmed by talking to a professional, so I'd say it's worth a shot.

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Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes; art is knowing which ones to keep. - Scott Adams

murphye

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

If you're lucky you'll find a girl willing to treat you as a "project", and train you. There's a high likelihood you'll promptly fall head over heels in love with her, while she'll not have anything like the same feelings for you.

I have also thought of this, however it's hard to find someone willing to do this, and be willing to initiate explaining the circumstances.

Yeah, I am pretty screwed, I know. Maybe the therapist will have sex with me. lol.

catt

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

I once told a friend of mine that I would hate dating a virgin. Long story short, her and I get together several months later and it turns out she's a virgin. Foot in mouth. I hope Catt or another woman will speak to this from a woman's perspective, but I loved it - playing with someone who was new to the sport was great; they say the best way to learn something is to teach it.

I'va actually never been with a virgin, overslacked, so cannot speak from experience.  However, I do believe that every pairing of two (or more!) individuals generates a completely new and different dynamic, and you are as close to starting from scratch as possible.  And just because someone has never had sex before does not always mean that they're 'inexperienced'.  Some people have a very natural, instinctual attitude towards sex and physicality - so much so that you mightn't even be aware that they were new to the game.

xxCattxx

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the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

jdudley76

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

Murphye, I don't think you're screwed. Stop worrying about sex, and just find girls that you like to hang out with for other reasons, then try asking one out. Take things slow. Be honest with her if the subject comes up. I don't think trying to get a one-night-stand is a good idea for your first time. Just be yourself, and relax.

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"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."   - George W. Bush, as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

gala

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

or try men.  they're nice too.

dmbhead

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

Seriously, don't let it bother you. When the time is right, it'll come - no pun intended. I've had more sex than I care to share with anyone, to the point that it bothers me the amount of women I've been with. I suppose you could say I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. Meaningless sex doesn't fill that void, maybe for the night. but not for your life. Looking for sex may or may not get you there, but having people in your life you love and relate well to will, as stated by the others. Just be on the lookout for the girls you find endearing and have a lot to share with, the sex will come naturally when you establish the trust.

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What the duece?

dmbhead

Member

Re: The 26 Year Old Virgin

You could also somehow let it be known you're a virgin while out with friends and a bunch of women you don't know, such as a bar. I'm sure one or two of the girls would be willing to blow your mind. Deep down, I'm sure there are as many women who want virgins as men who want the same.

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What the duece?