#1 September 19th, 2005 10:07 PM

Jing

Member

guys and support

Just another question.

What do guys mean when they say they need 'support'. do they mean sex or just morale boosts or what? coz this is sooo confusing.... and I dunno what to do anymore.

coz i know when i mean support i want someone to be able to comfort me if i need and lift up my spirits when i am down.... so....

so i would appreciate some comments

SCSIgirl

Member

Re: guys and support

Just another question.

What do guys mean when they say they need 'support'. do they mean sex or just morale boosts or what? coz this is sooo confusing.... and I dunno what to do anymore.

coz i know when i mean support i want someone to be able to comfort me if i need and lift up my spirits when i am down.... so....

so i would appreciate some comments

Kinda hard to answer that directly without knowing the context or situation.  Maybe he's using the word "support" in lieu of 'understanding". And what support or understanding does he need.

You probably need to step back out of your body and look at the whole situation.  What is being done to you as a whole?  A common tactic used by all (men and women, dominate and submissive) is to try and have some control over the situation by keeping the partner off-balance.  That is,  no matter how much you try to please them it is not "good enough".  "You should have....."

A previous gf was a master at this.  Nothing I did was right or good enough.  Never a thank you.  (Once I brought home roses for no occaision and they were thrown out:  I had chosen the wrong color.  {That was the last of the roses}). 

At some point you say to yourself,  "I'm not really this bad.  I need to get out of this".  (From Liandra's previous posts,  I'd bet she could really elaborate on this.)  Try and look back at all the little incidents that were confusing to you and see if there is a common thread.  Are you being kept in a state of uncertainty?  Is it to make you try harder or is it to leave a back door open for an escape when he finds another girl?

---

"Apple of my Eye", "bated breath", "brave new world", "caught red-handed" - all coined by Shakespeare.

centrevom

Member

Re: guys and support

What do guys mean when they say they need 'support'. do they mean sex or just morale boosts or what? coz this is sooo confusing.... and I dunno what to do anymore.

coz i know when i mean support i want someone to be able to comfort me if i need and lift up my spirits when i am down.... so....

so i would appreciate some comments

Men need support, just like women do.  It's just that they have to pretend they don't, most of the time.  Because they have to be there to support the woman, who usually asks for support more often.  Men are biologically programmed to look after women and give them support when they need it.  They are not supposed to put themselves first.

When a man says he needs support, he is severely self-doubting, in a situation when he may not want to admit it.  He wants to be told he is doing the right thing. When a man calls for support, which he does rarely, he really means it.  He's in a worse situation than he's letting on.

Well that's me...  But is it true of all men?  I don't know.

catt

Member

Re: guys and support

Just another question.

What do guys mean when they say they need 'support'. do they mean sex or just morale boosts or what? coz this is sooo confusing.... and I dunno what to do anymore.

coz i know when i mean support i want someone to be able to comfort me if i need and lift up my spirits when i am down.... so....

so i would appreciate some comments

Does he need encouragement in his career, or advice on a tricky family situation?  It could be anything, Jing, and what I suggest to you is that you both spend some time getting to know each other again.  Many relationships begin based heavily on the physical aspects - lust, sex, etc - and most graduate from there.  And some don't...so try spending a little time together without sex/cuddling being involved.  Do something fun you both enjoy, get out of your hometown and go on a road trip, re-discover each others' interests.  Get to know your partner again, because (I believe) the most rewarding relationships are where you're best friends first, and lovers coming in a close second.

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the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.