#1 July 4th, 2005 01:04 AM

Jing

Member

Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

Hey guys.....

My boyfriend and I agreed to give other a month trial period after I come back ( I'm currently at home in Malaysia )....

But I just wanna know what is it about guys and commitment. Why are they so afraid of commitment and marriage? hehehehe....

Girls... or rather me... I want stability and security... and everytime I say that he automatically thinks I mean marriage and he says he cant see himself getting married in liek 10 years time...

Anyway, what do guys really want out of a relationship, besides the sex and stuff? Am I too demanding if I wanna see him everyday? Am I taking things too seriously if I say I wanna be with him for a long time..... or am I asking to much to be involved in his activities.... like certain parties with his friends...

Sorry I'm a bit drowsy coz i havent slept much in the past few days.... hope u understand... thanks alot

cheers
jing

nagaloo

Member

Re: Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

Does it go back to men being the main provider of old? Myself I feel I need to be totally prepared to take responsibility for another person before committing. When lots of women are very capable of being the provider today. Which I need to get in my head too.
Stew

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Belgareth

Member

Re: Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

Hey guys.....

My boyfriend and I agreed to give other a month trial period after I come back ( I'm currently at home in Malaysia )....

But I just wanna know what is it about guys and commitment. Why are they so afraid of commitment and marriage? hehehehe....

Girls... or rather me... I want stability and security... and everytime I say that he automatically thinks I mean marriage and he says he cant see himself getting married in liek 10 years time...

Anyway, what do guys really want out of a relationship, besides the sex and stuff? Am I too demanding if I wanna see him everyday? Am I taking things too seriously if I say I wanna be with him for a long time..... or am I asking to much to be involved in his activities.... like certain parties with his friends...

Sorry I'm a bit drowsy coz i havent slept much in the past few days.... hope u understand... thanks alot

cheers
jing

It isn't just guys who have a problem with commitment Jing. People usually have a problem with commitment when they don't want to be commited. I will accept that the male of the species often has a tendancy to want the best of both worlds but it isn't a uniquely male trait. I have know a fair few females who want the benefits of both sides.

The conclusion is perfectly simple. If both people in a relationship (regardless of their gender) are ready to commit to each other, there is nothing that will stop them. It doesn't matter whether objection stems from parent, creed, colour or friend, they will stick together like superglued fingers. If only one of the two in the relationship wants commitment, that relationship is ultimately doomed and if neither want commitment, there's usually a lifelong friendship in the offing.

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voyeur2

Member

Re: Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

About commitment.

Perhaps it is necessary at first to talk semantics?  What does each sex mean by the word 'commitment'.  What are the terms of the union, the relationship?  Is it a monogamist, shared assets and child care type?  What about the children of other spouses in the relationship?  What about large differences in age, social background, wealth, skin colour, health and so forth.  What about family size and when to start?  What about the fact that as people age, they learn, their character changes, what they admire changes, whom they love can change too.

Do they like to observe beauty (females count) and is the other side 'jealous ' of this attraction to beauty - if it is not acted upon.  Is she - he - finished with the excitement of the hunt?

Not ready for commitment is anyone who has not at least come up with some sort of personally satisfactory answers to these questions.

Most resistance is at the gut level, because they have not asked; much less answered the questions, and know they are therefore not ready, but - uneasy.

's what I think anyway

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Have I ever lied to you before?

Belgareth

Member

Re: Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

About commitment.

Perhaps it is necessary at first to talk semantics?  What does each sex mean by the word 'commitment'.  What are the terms of the union, the relationship?  Is it a monogamist, shared assets and child care type?  What about the children of other spouses in the relationship?  What about large differences in age, social background, wealth, skin colour, health and so forth.  What about family size and when to start?  What about the fact that as people age, they learn, their character changes, what they admire changes, whom they love can change too.

Do they like to observe beauty (females count) and is the other side 'jealous ' of this attraction to beauty - if it is not acted upon.  Is she - he - finished with the excitement of the hunt?

Not ready for commitment is anyone who has not at least come up with some sort of personally satisfactory answers to these questions.

Most resistance is at the gut level, because they have not asked; much less answered the questions, and know they are therefore not ready, but - uneasy.

's what I think anyway

I agree with you on the issue of age making a difference but not necessarily in the way in which you state it. I still have the same basic personality that I have had all of my life, excluding my early teenage years but that can be said of most people (hormones running riot tends to mess anyone up!). I am no more or less tolerant of anything, I am still pleasured and hurt by the same things. Women that I was attracted to in my youth I am still attracted to many years later because it's complete personality that attracts me and not just the physical.

As far as the descriminatory aspects of age, social status. creed and colour are concerned, they do not make a blind bit of difference in my opinion. I still stick by my comment that if both sides want make a commitment, there is no waay that anything will prevent it!

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SCSIgirl

Member

Re: Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

The conclusion is perfectly simple. If both people in a relationship (regardless of their gender) are ready to commit to each other, there is nothing that will stop them. It doesn't matter whether objection stems from parent, creed, colour or friend, they will stick together like superglued fingers. If only one of the two in the relationship wants commitment, that relationship is ultimately doomed and if neither want commitment, there's usually a lifelong friendship in the offing.[/QUOTE]

Could'nt have said it better.  When BOTH parties want the commitment,  it will happen.

I could go way deep into this but I'm sporting a wonderful head cold and can't think at the moment.  I'll try and post later for ya, J.

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voyeur2

Member

Re: Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

I agree with you on the issue of age making a difference but not necessarily in the way in which you state it. I still have the same basic personality that I have had all of my life, excluding my early teenage years but that can be said of most people (hormones running riot tends to mess anyone up!). I am no more or less tolerant of anything, I am still pleasured and hurt by the same things. Women that I was attracted to in my youth I am still attracted to many years later because it's complete personality that attracts me and not just the physical.

As far as the descriminatory aspects of age, social status. creed and colour are concerned, they do not make a blind bit of difference in my opinion. I still stick by my comment that if both sides want make a commitment, there is no waay that anything will prevent it!

I guess I was talking in the general case, not the particular.  It is always false to take ones own case as the gerneral one, or as the exception that disproves the general rule.

Human behavior can only be described in rather large groups to eliminate in.

I was suggesting a model for a general group.

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Have I ever lied to you before?

gtrvox

Member

Re: Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

But I just wanna know what is it about guys and commitment. Why are they so afraid of commitment and marriage? hehehehe....

Girls... or rather me... I want stability and security... and everytime I say that he automatically thinks I mean marriage and he says he cant see himself getting married in liek 10 years time...

Anyway, what do guys really want out of a relationship, besides the sex and stuff? Am I too demanding if I wanna see him everyday? Am I taking things too seriously if I say I wanna be with him for a long time..... or am I asking to much to be involved in his activities.... like certain parties with his friends...

Find yourself a man who will not be afraid to commit. You know the old cliche about "love meaning never having to say you're sorry"? Well, I think love means wanting to be with the other person all the time, wanting to touch them, talk to them, share with them, have sex with them, plan life with them. If these things are not there - why waste time? This is not to say that people should not have a degree of separatness (is there such a word?) in their lives, only that true love means you totally want to commit, you don't need to be cajoled into it. Btw, I'm a guy, in case you're wondering ;-) Good luck to you!

GTR

Jing

Member

Re: Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

Find yourself a man who will not be afraid to commit. You know the old cliche about "love meaning never having to say you're sorry"? Well, I think love means wanting to be with the other person all the time, wanting to touch them, talk to them, share with them, have sex with them, plan life with them. If these things are not there - why waste time? This is not to say that people should not have a degree of separatness (is there such a word?) in their lives, only that true love means you totally want to commit, you don't need to be cajoled into it. Btw, I'm a guy, in case you're wondering ;-) Good luck to you!

GTR

I do want to share myself, my life and of course have sex with them... my boyfriend on the other hand only says yes to certain things of that..... ah well... i guess if you love them, u have to give in to them sometimes...... but what do guys really want in a relationship... thats what confuses me the most... coz sometimes they want one thing and the next minute they totally want something different.....

is it stereotypical to say that usaully a guy wants to come home to a girl who is there for him, take care of his needs at home ( ie.. food, entertainment, pleasure ) ? or do most guys want to come home to a quiet lonely place where there is no girlfriend there to 'annoy' him or 'bug him'

Belgareth

Member

Re: Boys and Girls about Commitment and Relationship

I do want to share myself, my life and of course have sex with them... my boyfriend on the other hand only says yes to certain things of that..... ah well... i guess if you love them, u have to give in to them sometimes...... but what do guys really want in a relationship... thats what confuses me the most... coz sometimes they want one thing and the next minute they totally want something different.....

is it stereotypical to say that usaully a guy wants to come home to a girl who is there for him, take care of his needs at home ( ie.. food, entertainment, pleasure ) ? or do most guys want to come home to a quiet lonely place where there is no girlfriend there to 'annoy' him or 'bug him'

I can only give a definitive answer with reference to my own expectations of a relationship/commitment. I certain do not expect to have a partner who is "tied to the kitchen sink". Any relationship is a shared experience and each person should take on the a proportion of the work of maintaining a home. Which parts each person takes on will differ with each relationship. A couple of examples (taken to the extreme), I love cooking but I hate ironing. I love decorating but I hate cleaning - oh and I am the world worst gardener! Having said all of that, I will do what need to be done, regardless of whether I want to do it or not.

We live in an age where gender role discrimination should be a thing of the past. Aside from such things as physically heavy work, to which the male skeleton is more suited and breast feeding  which (unfairly) olny a female can perform, there should be no gender-assigned tasks. Unfortunately it is the case in most societies that there are still perceived gender domains. As a ridiculous example of this, I was recently informed, by one of my male work collegues, that he and his partner had "had a real bust up", because she had ask him to fetch a box of tampons fron the local pharmacy on his way home and he had refused. I ask why he had refused and he said "it's nothing to do with me if she can't remember to buy girlie things"!!!!

I think there are such a things as stereotypical females and males but they had better make darned sure that they team up with each other.

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