#1 June 14th, 2005 07:10 AM

liz

Member

Entirely New Subject

Ok, kids, I need your thoughts. 

What are your feelings about true love?  Is happily ever after really attainable?  I am one of those hopeless romantics, so I have to believe it is so, but it gets harder and harder as all my friends' relationships fall apart - people I thought would be together forever.

In your experiences (and in your hearts) can it be done?

(And, yes, if you've read my artist profile, you know that I am married.  So, at least for myself, I have to believe it can be!)

Finally, do you think it is possible to meet the Love of Your Life (yes, the big, capitalized one!), and not end up with them?  Why?  How can this be so?

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"If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution."
            -Emma Goldman

Belgareth

Member

Re: Entirely New Subject

Ok, kids, I need your thoughts. 

What are your feelings about true love?  Is happily ever after really attainable?  I am one of those hopeless romantics, so I have to believe it is so, but it gets harder and harder as all my friends' relationships fall apart - people I thought would be together forever.

In your experiences (and in your hearts) can it be done?

(And, yes, if you've read my artist profile, you know that I am married.  So, at least for myself, I have to believe it can be!)

Finally, do you think it is possible to meet the Love of Your Life (yes, the big, capitalized one!), and not end up with them?  Why?  How can this be so?

I could simply answer your question in the affirmative and leave it at that but it would hardly be fair and it would be unlike me to give such a brief response.

The reason that I can defintely say yes is draw from my own experience quite a few years ago. I met someone, or more correctly I saw this person from a distance and as she turned to look directly at me, I felt something inside of me, which I had never felt before and I never have since. A few minutes later we were introduced and from that moment on we were inseparable. We had immediately connected at every level and for the next six months we were together at every opportunity. There was no sexual intimacy for the first couple of months because we didn't need it and the first time we had sex it was indescribably beautiful. That feeling never diminished, it was always there each time afterwards. I had truly found the love of my life.

After an ecstatic six months of being together she was offered a job, as a professional dancer (and she was one hell of a dancer) which meant she would have to leave the country for two years. It was the offer of a lifetime and something which she had been working towards for  long time. She wanted to turn it down and stay with me. I knew how much the job meant to her and told her that she must take the job because she would never get another offer like it. We both cried in each other's arms for hours but she finally accepted that she would be a fool not to take it.

I drove her to the airport and watched her disappear through the doors into the boarding lounge. I must have stood in the middle of the airport concourse for hours after her plane had departed, before I finally drove home.

We kept in contact by phone and mail for the two years, only to find that on the day she was supposed to return to the UK, her contract was extended. I think at that point we both realised that our relationship had finally ended.

I saw her again, purely by accident, ten years later. Both of us had married and that meeting was bliss and torture combined. The spark that was first kindled almost 15 years earlier was still there and the flame was burning as brightly as ever but we had committed ourselves to our respective partners and, despite wanting to just run away together at that moment, we knew that we could not without hurting the people who cared for us.

We have never seen each other since that day and, years afterwards,  it is really hurts for me to be writing this now.

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trebora

Member

Re: Entirely New Subject

I don't know about love.  I never really understood it much but I think thats because its different for everyone and every situation.  I know I care for my girlfriend and enjoy being with her and making her happy.  Thats love in my book.

As for Happily ever after.  I don't b elieve in it.  That implies that everythign is perfect after meeting.  Nothing ever goes perfect.  But on the plus side if you have that special someone around they are there to make the bad times bearable and give meaning to the good times.  Whats the point of having good times by yourself.  (damn my mind went straight to the gutter on that one)

Meeting that oncein a lifetime love  and missing them...yeah happens all the time but you know what.  Theres another love of the lifetime around the corner.  It wolnt be the same.  Maybe that other person made you laugh and feel silly and giddy (giddy is such a nice word) but the next big love makes you feel warm and safe and comfortable.  Both are the big loves but both are different.

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One by one, the penguins slowly steal my sanity
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liz

Member

Re: Entirely New Subject

I saw her again, purely by accident, ten years later. Both of us had married and that meeting was bliss and torture combined. The spark that was first kindled almost 15 years earlier was still there and the flame was burning as brightly as ever but we had committed ourselves to our respective partners and, despite wanting to just run away together at that moment, we knew that we could not without hurting the people who cared for us.

We have never seen each other since that day and, years afterwards,  it is really hurts for me to be writing this now.

Wow...that is an astounding story, and I feel lucky that you chose to share it with me.  I have a friend who has been quite happily married for 10+ years, is deeply in love with her husband, but, when asked this question, spoke of the Love of Her Life who she had to let go many years before.

This is all such a tricky business, and I am constantly amazed at the capacity and capability of the human heart.  It makes me think of Eve Ensler in the "Vagina Monologues" - she says, "The heart is capable of sacrifice...The heart is able to forgive and repair.  It can change its shape to let us in.  It can expand to let us out...It can ache for us and stretch for us, die for us and bleed and bleed us into this difficult, wonderous world." (Of course, she is comparing it to the vagina, but it is still beautiful truth.)

I think that maybe all we are meant to do it love, in all its crazy, inconvenient, glorious forms.  Perhaps we might lose those that we love along the way, but we are better, I think, for having loved them, however brief or lengthly a time it was.

And, then, are we not able to better love the next wonderous person that we meet?

Ah, I am clearly sentimental and contemplative today... :]

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"If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution."
            -Emma Goldman

zimbonies

Member

Re: Entirely New Subject

Ok, kids, I need your thoughts. 

What are your feelings about true love?  Is happily ever after really attainable?  I am one of those hopeless romantics, so I have to believe it is so, but it gets harder and harder as all my friends' relationships fall apart - people I thought would be together forever.

In your experiences (and in your hearts) can it be done?

Before this past May, I wasn't sure about true love.  I always thought about 'happily ever after' as 'okay, I'm willing to put up with this person for the rest of my life'.  BUT, about 5 weeks ago, I met a wonderful woman.  I'm from the states and she's from the UK (now living in the states) and we immediately hit it off.  We are so compatible that it's scary.  Everything that we talk about always ends in "me too!  That's exactly the way I feel!".  It's totally uncanny how 2 people from two different countries and 4,000 miles apart can finally meet and become soul mates.
So, my response to this question is that, yes, true love can be found.  I also believe in soul mates now and am one of the lucky ones to have found her.  I think the key to this is finding that someone who is as hopelessly romantic as you are.  Once you have found that person, then yes, you have found love.  It's not a burden to be with someone if it's really love, and the operative word here is that they feel the same way.

So, in closing, see me in 25 years to find out if in fact I have found 'the one', but from this standpoint, it certainly has the feel and look of true love...

*grinnin from ear to ear*
Zim

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"Look at da Chort?!  He's gone mad wit power!"

voyeur2

Member

Re: Entirely New Subject

When I was much younger - in College a couple years after turning on and dropping out the first time, I was a ski patroller, (because the skiing was free, and there was no wait at the lift line) I got a secondary job driving the daughter of a wealthy man to the hill to ski.  His wife hated waiting around in the bar all day.  Best of 2 worlds.  Ski for free, and get there for free in a very nice car.
The girl was gorgeous.  I liked her quite a bit.  The next season I skied with her as sort of chauffeur/bodyguard at a much more upscale mountain.  That year she graduated from high school and wanted me to go to the graduation dance and celebration with her.
Her dad was wealthy enough to endow universities with science wings (equipped) as part of his charitable activities.  So I declined.  Although I was very attracted to her and she to me, and she was extremely beautiful, I thought the imbalance in wealth and 7 year age difference would have tongues wagging forever that I was just out for her money.  I did not want that so I backed out before it really began.  My father thought I had rocks for brains.  I wondered at his little faith I could make a way for myself without help.

Sometimes I wonder if Lizzy ever got the kind of man she deserved.

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Have I ever lied to you before?

wantingscott

Member

Re: Entirely New Subject

Liz,
this thread reminds me of "True Romance", one of the best films imho.
"i found my true love..." the voice over starts. it's a beautiful voiceover, the character of Alabama Whorley.

the truth, Liz: i met my true love. i've been married for 12 years, have known her for 18, got married at 22. Now, here's the thing: no one person encompasses all. the trick of a LTR is, find members of the opposite sex with whom you can express facets of your personality that you can't with your "true love". no ONE person has it all. but in these other people, know from the start it will have to stay at friendship only.

that's my opinion.

Scott

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that's the way it goes. but don't forget, it goes the other way too.

Belgareth

Member

Re: Entirely New Subject

Liz,
this thread reminds me of "True Romance", one of the best films imho.
"i found my true love..." the voice over starts. it's a beautiful voiceover, the character of Alabama Whorley.

the truth, Liz: i met my true love. i've been married for 12 years, have known her for 18, got married at 22. Now, here's the thing: no one person encompasses all. the trick of a LTR is, find members of the opposite sex with whom you can express facets of your personality that you can't with your "true love". no ONE person has it all. but in these other people, know from the start it will have to stay at friendship only.

that's my opinion.

Scott

Well, I've tried the matrimony route, which failed me very badly and I have decided that it was not a route I would go down again. As the saying goes - Marriage is a great institution but not everyone wants to live in an institution.

I now have a (very) small group of close friends, with whom I can discuss anything and for whom I am always there when they have problems. The difference between these friends and those in most friendships is that they are both friends and sexual partners, depending upon each other's needs at any moment. Yet the two aspects have never conflicted or cause disharmony. I think that I'm one fortunate person to have found such relationships.

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