#1 April 3rd, 2014 11:47 AM

artemesia

Member

BDSM Mystery Solved!!! (kinda)

I remember years ago my flatmate was fascinated by the online live journal (i'm too young to really know what that means) of Delia Day, a famous New York artist who was in a prominent BDSM marriage.

The live journal detailed her daily relationship with her husband/master and their double life in public with their family and children (who were apparently shielded from their sex life) and extremely sadistic sex practices. But was super fascinating was that the live journal had ended years ago because Delia shot and killed her husband with a shotgun in 2003. The live journal remains evidence of their hardcore lifestyle but new information regarding the relationship and how the live journal came to be written has surfaced as Delia has come back on the internet 10yrs later to explain what really happened and why she was almost immediately acquitted of murder charges...

Check it out and post your thoughts below!

http://eatyourcity.wordpress.com/2014/0 … y-mystery/

original live journal (apparently this was never written by Delia; but by her husband/owner- anyone who ever communicated with 'her' was apparently always speaking to him)

http://deliaday.livejournal.com
also checking out the comments is super fascinating

WARNING real life mysteries can be addictive, make sure you have a bit of spare time before delving into this one.

Last edited by artemesia (April 3rd, 2014 11:47 AM)

polaroid

Member

Re: BDSM Mystery Solved!!! (kinda)

Hi Artemesia:) Thanks for posting this!! Found it absolutely fascinating!! I've always been addicted to true crime books & documentaries & so found this deeply intriguing despite the world in this story being one I know very little about, although I find elements of the visual imagery fascinating, mainly because some of the bands I love have flirted with these themes & imagery (Depeche Mode for example)

When I read about this case, to me it seemed to act as a powerful allegory for the destructive results of a breakdown of trust in a relationship & how it is only trust which can protect against the destructive effects of relationship power play. Here in this story, the absence of a safe word acts as a powerful symbol for the breakdown of trust but I find it really fascinating that even with such an extreme case, what we're left with when we strip away all the layers of the story are the same dangerous forces which can manifest themselves in many relationships.

I love real life mysteries like this & I totally agree they can be addictive!! I think this case would make a fascinating subject for a documentary film, I hope someone makes one!! True crime documentaries are a current obsession of mine, I've kind of replaced sleep with late night Netflix binges...there's been some pretty astonishing documentaries on there I've seen recently, like Tabloid or Talhotblond which I highly recommended to everyone who hasn't seen them!!:):)

Ben

---

Find your truth. Face your truth. Speak your truth. Be your truth.

artemesia

Member

Re: BDSM Mystery Solved!!! (kinda)

Hey Ben,
Thanks for your thoughtful response to this link, you've made me feel a tonne better about posting it in the first place and for being so curious. I kinda felt like I was outting myself as a major perf, and an inhumane one at that. Its also an interesting reminder about the truth that gets posted on the internet. I can only imagine what it would've been like to be one of the people who thought they were in real contact with her only to discover the fraud and the abuse. Brutal. I hope she keeps writing though.

Sorry for the downers folks but I always wanted to know what happened to this survivor and this story is gorily fascinating...

Anyway thanks for making me feel less creepy!

polaroid

Member

Re: BDSM Mystery Solved!!! (kinda)

Hey Artemesia:)

Thanks so much for your post!!:) It means a lot that mine helped you feel loads better about your curiosity & posting about this story. It's funny you said about it making you feel like you're outing yourself as a major perv or inhumane as that's exactly what I was worried about myself when I wrote my post!! I think we must think in exactly the same way. So it means a lot that you felt I wrote thoughtfully & I think you wrote in such a thoughtful, insightful & inquisitive way too & you definitely didn't come across as all the things you were worried about at all!!

I find the whole question of how we feel about being so fascinated by stories like this just as fascinating as the stories themselves & it's something I actually think about a lot. I totally know how you feel & it's something I worry about lots when I get so absorbed in all these real life mysteries or find myself fascinated by horrific events, whether it's reading true crime books about murder or watching a documentary about air disasters, I always feel guilty afterwards & question myself & my fascination, even though I know that I'm constantly thinking about the victims & feeling haunted by their experiences rather than it being entertainment where I stop thinking about it the moment I go & do something else. It's a very different experience from, say, watching a horror film where you know it's fiction. I do still feel guilty all the time though & will do irrational things like remove books from my bookshelves that I fear might look strange if anyone sees, thinking that someone would think I'm somehow, I don't know, voyeuristic perhaps. But I know that that's unfair on myself because if I went to someone's house and saw a book on their shelf about, say, Hitler, I wouldn't for one moment think they were a Nazi, I'd just think they're interested in history.

So, despite totally feeling the same as you, the more I think about it, far from our worries being some sort of warning that we're somehow pervs or inhumane for being so fascinated by this story, I think they are actually a clear outward automatic response of our humanity, which somehow triggers in us an inbuilt reaction which makes us recoil from the sense of intrigue we feel towards these events. Our concerns are a sign of our humanity protecting us, rather than signs of its absence. I think we should feel proud that we felt this way, rather than worry. Talking about this with you has really helped & so a big thank you as you've made me feel loads better too!!:):)

To return to the story...I agree, I'd love to know what happened to her & whether she's ok, how she manages to cope with the undoubted trauma she must have experienced, both through the manipulation & abuse, but most shockingly the way this forced her into a position where the only way out from her imprisonment was to turn this brutality back round full circle on itself & back onto the abuser in the most concentrated & visceral act of self preservation. I hope that  she is not perpetually scarred by her experiences & that she has found a way to exorcise them so that she can move on with her life. I hope that her writing helps so I too hope that she's still writing.

I really loved your point about it acting as a reminder about what are sold to us as 'truths' online. I can't even begin to imagine the feeling of abject shock those people must have  felt when they learnt that the person they thought they were writing to wasn't in fact her. The sense of betrayal tainted by a guilt that makes them irrationally fear that in some way they facilitated & played a part in the alternate reality he created as the cage he kept her in, even though there's no way they could have known. It was very spooky reading the blog written as her...I really hope she's ok now!! The whole trust online thing really fits in with the tragic events depicted in the amazing documentary Talhotblond I mentioned, about the (truly shocking!!) dangerous real world consequences of an internet love triangle. If you haven't seen it I think you'd find it so fascinating!!

So sorry about how long this message is, it's just your post raised so many interesting things that really got me thinking so a big thank you again for starting this thread & for your last post, I was so thrilled you replied & you definitely made me feel so much better about being fascinated by all this stuff so everything you wrote is the total opposite of a downer!!:):)

Ben

---

Find your truth. Face your truth. Speak your truth. Be your truth.

artemesia

Member

Re: BDSM Mystery Solved!!! (kinda)

Haha Ben,
I guess this whole interaction really just proves us both as sensitive folk eh? I will have to check out your recommendation as since I'm a little bit backward and wary of following trends, I just started/finished watching a whole season of Orange is the New Black. And now I will need something else to fill in the void. That maybe Talhotblond.
Actually I'm exhausted today because of that obsessive part of my personality that just won't let me leave something like a good book/show until it's over and done with. You wouldn't believe for how many days I've been working through with less than 4hrs sleep because of it.
Anyways; thumbs up for your top replies and for spending some time with us in the forum!

Speak soon

xx

Traci

Member

Re: BDSM Mystery Solved!!! (kinda)

Speaking of BDSM, becca - ‘take_the_bit’ did a pretty cool folio. She didn't shoot her husband though.