#1 February 21st, 2005 09:47 PM

liandra_dahl

Member

Now tell me...

Can any member, who isn't also a participant, tell me how they might react if they were to come across.. say... a girlfriend or wife  appearing on this site? And then the same for sister, daughter, mother, neice?

fatquack

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Chances are that if any of my friends or family would appear here, I would know it beforehand.
So, I wouldn't mind, good for them.

Belgareth

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Can any member, who isn't also a participant, tell me how they might react if they were to come across.. say... a girlfriend or wife  appearing on this site? And then the same for sister, daughter, mother, neice?

Is this inane curiousity, or do your grey cells just work in a "what-if" way :-)

To be perfectly honest it would not bother me in the slightest. I believe in the choice and the rights of the individual but sadly most of my family would not think the same way if the appearance was to be made by me. On a less intimate note, I have had the experience of friends appearing in various states of undress on the Web and I'm only too happy to continue to call them my friends.

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voyeur2

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Can any member, who isn't also a participant, tell me how they might react if they were to come across.. say... a girlfriend or wife  appearing on this site? And then the same for sister, daughter, mother, neice?

Nice hypothetical question, easy to answer in the hypothetical sense, but when reality arrives, how about a real life answer?

There is an old joke that goes "Dou you have any nude photos of your wife?  No?  Want to buy some?"

I came across some nude shots of my ex wife back when we were still married.  My reaction was that if she really wanted that, who was I to judge her?  I was looking for nude shots wasn't I?

A case of Black pot, Black kettle? 

If we who read this and look at these sites really think it is ok for strangers to be here nude and all exposed, we have to accept that our own family members have the same right to self exposure as well as the same right to the non - judgemental acceptance of that choice that we give to strangers.

Anyway the nude pix did not have anything to do with the divorce.

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Have I ever lied to you before?

zimbonies

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Can any member, who isn't also a participant, tell me how they might react if they were to come across.. say... a girlfriend or wife  appearing on this site? And then the same for sister, daughter, mother, neice?

I've often thought about this question.  As many pornographic pictures that I've seen over the years, I've NEVER seen anyone that I know...so the chances of this are pretty slim.  So, on that note...
First off, you don't know my mother -- she's very naive!

Now if I saw a family member (other than my mother) on the site, I may or may not view the pics -- ya know the old saying 'curiosity killed the cat'.  I would not view them for the erotic nature of the pictures, it would be to find out her artistic viewpoint (does that sound too cheesy?!).
Now if it was a girlfriend, I would certainly be intrigued -- I've been thinking about asking my lady-friend to do a shoot just to see what she has to offer the site -- but alas, if it were a *significant* other shooting herself, I would certainly know about it beforehand.
Now if I saw an ex on the site, I would tell all my friends to check her out!

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"Look at da Chort?!  He's gone mad wit power!"

liandra_dahl

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Is this inane curiousity, or do your grey cells just work in a "what-if" way :-)

To be perfectly honest it would not bother me in the slightest. I believe in the choice and the rights of the individual but sadly most of my family would not think the same way if the appearance was to be made by me. On a less intimate note, I have had the experience of friends appearing in various states of undress on the Web and I'm only too happy to continue to call them my friends.

It is neither inane curiosity or simply the particular "what if" modus operandi of my grey cells. I've done a few things on this site and my on/ off boyf knows I have but, though he loves veiwing porn, he finds it hard to swallow that other men could be looking at me and my pink bits online. He keeps quering whether I have a problem with someone we or I know coming across it and I've always said I don't mind, and besides, if they're looking at porn it's just the other side of the coin right? So then he gives me shit about not caring about how those people might react to seeing me, so I thought I'd ask around, do some research if you like...

voyeur2

Member

Re: Now tell me...

It is neither inane curiosity or simply the particular "what if" modus operandi of my grey cells. I've done a few things on this site and my on/ off boyf knows I have but, though he loves veiwing porn, he finds it hard to swallow that other men could be looking at me and my pink bits online. He keeps quering whether I have a problem with someone we or I know coming across it and I've always said I don't mind, and besides, if they're looking at porn it's just the other side of the coin right? So then he gives me shit about not caring about how those people might react to seeing me, so I thought I'd ask around, do some research if you like...

Reading between the lines I think it might be accurate to say your BF is feeling a bit - ashamed - to be associated with such a publicly viewable person.

Perhaps a bit of inappropriately strong posessivene thinking?  My posession is shaming me?

A bit of discomfort and confusion in feeling the naked girls he views are - sluts? but you are not, so he is wrong about they being sluts, or wrong about you.  And he is never wrong?

Does he use violence?  And later is sorry?

If this last bit arrives - time to leave!

I have seen your submissions, they are brilliant, sexy, courageous.  Not slutty at all.  But very very sexy. 

He should be extremely thankful for what he has, and not mind if others can see his great good fortune.  He has to realize that what he has is your companionship, not your body, mind, spirit, self as a possession.

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Have I ever lied to you before?

liandra_dahl

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Reading between the lines I think it might be accurate to say your BF is feeling a bit - ashamed - to be associated with such a publicly viewable person.

Perhaps a bit of inappropriately strong posessivene thinking?  My posession is shaming me?

A bit of discomfort and confusion in feeling the naked girls he views are - sluts? but you are not, so he is wrong about they being sluts, or wrong about you.  And he is never wrong?

Does he use violence?  And later is sorry?

If this last bit arrives - time to leave!

I have seen your submissions, they are brilliant, sexy, courageous.  Not slutty at all.  But very very sexy. 

He should be extremely thankful for what he has, and not mind if others can see his great good fortune.  He has to realize that what he has is your companionship, not your body, mind, spirit, self as a possession.

Wow, you are incredibly insightful and thank you for the compliments. I won't go into details but you've hit the nail on the head for sure. Well in the ongoing debate I am trying to make him see things differently as I will never believe I have done anything to be ashamed of, and I refuse to be with someone who might consider it shameful. I've prescribed the book 'Tales of the Clit' to him in the hopes he will get a better understanding of my position on pornography, though I am afraid the veiws expressed may be too much for him and only make it worse.

Prazak

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Wow, you are incredibly insightful and thank you for the compliments. I won't go into details but you've hit the nail on the head for sure. Well in the ongoing debate I am trying to make him see things differently as I will never believe I have done anything to be ashamed of, and I refuse to be with someone who might consider it shameful. I've prescribed the book 'Tales of the Clit' to him in the hopes he will get a better understanding of my position on pornography, though I am afraid the veiws expressed may be too much for him and only make it worse.

I wonder whether it's really a question of 'slutty' (no matter what terms he's using),  rather than a question of exclusivity in the relationship.

To my way of thinking, it may not be a question of 'should' but rather of finding common ground, where one party wants freedom to explore and the other needs the reassurance of an exclusive relationship.

Gimme_Danger

Member

Re: Now tell me...

It is neither inane curiosity or simply the particular "what if" modus operandi of my grey cells. I've done a few things on this site and my on/ off boyf knows I have but, though he loves veiwing porn, he finds it hard to swallow that other men could be looking at me and my pink bits online. He keeps quering whether I have a problem with someone we or I know coming across it and I've always said I don't mind, and besides, if they're looking at porn it's just the other side of the coin right? So then he gives me shit about not caring about how those people might react to seeing me, so I thought I'd ask around, do some research if you like...

Sounds like your man is showing plain old jealousy. He sees you sharing with people online as 'unfaithful' behaviour and it made me wonder how he feels about your bisexuallity and your relationships with women? Does he feel threatened in the same way?

voyeur2

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Wow, you are incredibly insightful and thank you for the compliments. I won't go into details but you've hit the nail on the head for sure. Well in the ongoing debate I am trying to make him see things differently as I will never believe I have done anything to be ashamed of, and I refuse to be with someone who might consider it shameful. I've prescribed the book 'Tales of the Clit' to him in the hopes he will get a better understanding of my position on pornography, though I am afraid the veiws expressed may be too much for him and only make it worse.

Other thoughts on relationships, jealosy and exclusivity. 

Many very good looking women (and that includes you) are intimidating to men. 

I believe that one reason is that men fear they will be rejected, so they never approach. 

But the dangerous bit is the notion that being beautiful they will attract much competition from self assured males for their companionship. 

This in turn makes the current bf want to try to limit access to her. 

Behaviours like trying to control who she meets, how she dresses, where and when she goes to places, what she does when they are apart.

This behaviour is based on a fear that they will not measure up.  That they may never find another as good as you if they are abandoned for another man.

Lacking the self assurance of being equal to 'defeating or intimidating the male suitors, it leads to violence against the female, attempting through intimidation to control her.

This insanity never removes the potential threats of other males approaching, so it escalates, and in the extreme instance it leads to killing so that if he cannot possess her, then nobody can, she will never be able to tell others how inadequate he was.

scary?

Too often true.

Please think carefully about him, your mentioning the issues rings danger bells to me, because they must be quite disturbing to you for you to have sought other sources of validation for your position.

Would other beauties care to comment about their experiences with jealous bf's , am I overreacting?

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Have I ever lied to you before?

Prazak

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Other thoughts on relationships, jealosy and exclusivity. 

Many very good looking women (and that includes you) are intimidating to men. 

I believe that one reason is that men fear they will be rejected, so they never approach. 

But the dangerous bit is the notion that being beautiful they will attract much competition from self assured males for their companionship. 

This in turn makes the current bf want to try to limit access to her. 

Behaviours like trying to control who she meets, how she dresses, where and when she goes to places, what she does when they are apart.

This behaviour is based on a fear that they will not measure up.  That they may never find another as good as you if they are abandoned for another man.

Lacking the self assurance of being equal to 'defeating or intimidating the male suitors, it leads to violence against the female, attempting through intimidation to control her.

This insanity never removes the potential threats of other males approaching, so it escalates, and in the extreme instance it leads to killing so that if he cannot possess her, then nobody can, she will never be able to tell others how inadequate he was.

scary?

Too often true.

Please think carefully about him, your mentioning the issues rings danger bells to me, because they must be quite disturbing to you for you to have sought other sources of validation for your position.

Would other beauties care to comment about their experiences with jealous bf's , am I overreacting?

Yes, a good description of the person who feels threatened. But it applies equally well to females, except for the threat of violence. Threatening violence seems to the man's weapon. Threatening suicide seems to be that of a number of women.

Violex_Kitty

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Yes, a good description of the person who feels threatened. But it applies equally well to females, except for the threat of violence. Threatening violence seems to the man's weapon. Threatening suicide seems to be that of a number of women.

That's true traditionally, but more and more these days women are adopting 'masculine' traits, as previous limitations (work fields, roles in sports, etc) are shed - including bashing up their boyfriends!  You're correct - men tend to react outwards (physical aggression), women tend to re-direct inwards (an example, as you mentioned, being suicide) - but women can be just as physically jealous/possessive of their partners as men.  Men can be victims of domestic violence, female-on-male rape and psychological manipulation at the hands of women, although it is still a relatively small percentage in comparison.

liandra_dahl

Member

Re: Now tell me...

I wonder whether it's really a question of 'slutty' (no matter what terms he's using),  rather than a question of exclusivity in the relationship.

To my way of thinking, it may not be a question of 'should' but rather of finding common ground, where one party wants freedom to explore and the other needs the reassurance of an exclusive relationship.

I know where your coming from and I think you're right that he feels like that about exclusivity. For me it shouldn't be an issue because I have remained exclusive, doing ISM or any of the other sites hasn't changed that. I never cheat or mislead people to believe that they are in a monogamous relationship if they are not. He knows he can trust me, or he should. You're right though, I should probably meet him in the middle.

liandra_dahl

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Sounds like your man is showing plain old jealousy. He sees you sharing with people online as 'unfaithful' behaviour and it made me wonder how he feels about your bisexuallity and your relationships with women? Does he feel threatened in the same way?

Well previous boyfriends have been fine about my bisexuality, so before now it was never an issue. Once I established with this man in question that he was uncomfortable with it then other women were ruled out as well as other men. It wasn't a problem, this site makes up for what I miss, and he's ok about me looking.

liandra_dahl

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Other thoughts on relationships, jealosy and exclusivity. 

Many very good looking women (and that includes you) are intimidating to men. 

I believe that one reason is that men fear they will be rejected, so they never approach. 

But the dangerous bit is the notion that being beautiful they will attract much competition from self assured males for their companionship. 

This in turn makes the current bf want to try to limit access to her. 

Behaviours like trying to control who she meets, how she dresses, where and when she goes to places, what she does when they are apart.

This behaviour is based on a fear that they will not measure up.  That they may never find another as good as you if they are abandoned for another man.

Lacking the self assurance of being equal to 'defeating or intimidating the male suitors, it leads to violence against the female, attempting through intimidation to control her.

This insanity never removes the potential threats of other males approaching, so it escalates, and in the extreme instance it leads to killing so that if he cannot possess her, then nobody can, she will never be able to tell others how inadequate he was.

scary?

Too often true.

Please think carefully about him, your mentioning the issues rings danger bells to me, because they must be quite disturbing to you for you to have sought other sources of validation for your position.

Would other beauties care to comment about their experiences with jealous bf's , am I overreacting?

I think many men (yes and women) experience this on some levels. I've known plenty and I'm certain there are elements of it in our present sitution but he is trying to understand my position, though it's clearly hard for him, and I believe he would never be capable of such extreme violent circumstances. So this little bit of research is just the beginning of my part in working it out. Thanks for you feed back. It's much appreciated.

SCSIgirl

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Can any member, who isn't also a participant, tell me how they might react if they were to come across.. say... a girlfriend or wife  appearing on this site? And then the same for sister, daughter, mother, neice?

I'd be hurt that I didn't phpotograph them first.   Although, Mom.....  That one would suprise me.

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"Apple of my Eye", "bated breath", "brave new world", "caught red-handed" - all coined by Shakespeare.

capiango

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Can any member, who isn't also a participant, tell me how they might react if they were to come across.. say... a girlfriend or wife  appearing on this site? And then the same for sister, daughter, mother, neice?

  Im pretty open minded and I know some people who have modeled as well as I have had many photo sessions with friends, some male but mostly female. Since I have been subscribing to ISM I have been fairly avid about telling people about it and getting opinions, just about all are positive including my younger sister. My reasons being, shes an artistic person and has painted many nudes herself and I knew she would like to use some of the material for references, but I also was aware that in doing so it may open the door for her wanting to do something like this as well. Would it bother me? Not at all. I would be surprised if I were to just happen upon it but its her body, her choice etc. When you grow up with family most of the time its probably not that much of a mystery anyway. I have a couple of close friends seriously contemplating it too and when they do I will be the first to be on here bragging about it

jdudley76

Member

Re: Now tell me...

I know where your coming from and I think you're right that he feels like that about exclusivity. For me it shouldn't be an issue because I have remained exclusive, doing ISM or any of the other sites hasn't changed that. I never cheat or mislead people to believe that they are in a monogamous relationship if they are not. He knows he can trust me, or he should. You're right though, I should probably meet him in the middle.

liandra,

You need to be free to be yourself. Your sexuality and forms of self-expression are part of you, and if you are going to have a healthy relationship with your bf, he is going to have to learn to understand this side of you and learn to love it as well. I think the root of his feelings come from his insecurity about losing you, and a fear that if he did, he would never find anyone else that he loves as much as you. It may also stem from his perceptions of cultural norms. Without realizing why, he may feel pornography is "wrong" because that's what society has taught him.

Regardless of the reason he has an issue with it, I don't think it is healthy for you to try to suppress part of who you are to make him more comfortable.

*edit* The issue may not be about his trusting you (not to cheat on him), but more about him being scared of losing you. That's not a lack of trust, just insecurity.

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"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."   - George W. Bush, as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

BillyBear

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Why oh why does everyone fail to see BOTH sides of the issue?!? It is neith the bf or the gf that is wrong here, it is the relationship. Frankly, I find it downright scary that some ASSume that they know so much that they have no problem leaping from the bf not wanting to share on this level to him being a viloent person.

nagaloo

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Can any member, who isn't also a participant, tell me how they might react if they were to come across.. say... a girlfriend or wife  appearing on this site? And then the same for sister, daughter, mother, neice?

LOL Great question. My sister has joked about it. I said let me know so I wont look that day LOL. I asume Liandra you are both a member and a participant? I would be ok with a girlfriend or wife posting if I had one or the other, or both LOL. And if my sister or any woman in my life wanted to be on here I would support her. 
Stew

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The universe is unfolding as it should, and so are the girls on ISM. I love them all.

kazlin

Member

Re: Now tell me...

LOL Great question. My sister has joked about it. I said let me know so I wont look that day LOL. I asume Liandra you are both a member and a participant? I would be ok with a girlfriend or wife posting if I had one or the other, or both LOL. And if my sister or any woman in my life wanted to be on here I would support her. 
Stew

I think Stewie might respond to this occurrence the same way most of us would, but then again people who become members of ISM are probably more open-minded than most. If you're worried someone you care for might see your folio and freak, then you should tell them before hand.  It won't be such a shock to them if they know your reasons for participating in the project.  Cheers.

EgonArbus

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Why oh why does everyone fail to see BOTH sides of the issue?!? It is neith the bf or the gf that is wrong here, it is the relationship. Frankly, I find it downright scary that some ASSume that they know so much that they have no problem leaping from the bf not wanting to share on this level to him being a viloent person.

This is absolutely spot on for me.  Liandra, you must be loving all this attention, which is surely what you're craving most by fetishizing yourself with nude pics on the web!

I thought I'd take a look at the forum hoping the people behind the images might be a little more interesting, but my search has been in vain.  I don't believe anything you've said about your boyfriend has any grounding in truth, or even if he exists.

Liandra, you are beautiful. Take the photos and shut up. Please? You're encouraging the morons (who of course all wish you'd dump the boyfriend)!

wantingscott

Member

Re: Now tell me...

Take the photos and shut up.

huh. so would you also take the approach that athletes should just play sports and not talk about drug abuse, for example, or bands should just rock and not lecture on politics?

me personally. i think it's really cool that i've not only seen Liandra naked (not in person, unfortunately) but have also read her musings, replied to them. I've posted my thoughts, and in kind she's replied to me. i like the forum part of ISM some days more than the folio section...

just curious, why is your first post a vitriolic one? for me, i kinda eased into the forum. would you walk into a party and walk up to someone you knew of, but didn't know personally, and just start off on them? it's better to start with a double-scotch (neat)...

wscott

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_________________________________________________
that's the way it goes. but don't forget, it goes the other way too.

philos

Member

Re: Now tell me...

I thought I'd take a look at the forum hoping the people behind the images might be a little more interesting, but my search has been in vain ... You're encouraging the morons ...

As one of the morons, may I disagree?  I find the philosophising that lies behind the modelling very interesting, although I do not understand it all, being from an older generation where many things that are are now questioned were taken for granted, and vice versa.