#1 January 10th, 2005 12:16 AM

theda

Member

cheating

if a person in a relationship cheats with someone who knows that they are in a relationship, is it the moral responsibility of the person not in the relationship to not go through with it? Or does the responsibility rest soley on the person in the relationship?  Or is it both?

I'm just curious to what people, particulary men thought about this, after having witnessed a rather dramatic scene on the street recently.

zimbonies

Member

Re: cheating

Here's my story.
My ex girlfriend and I decided that we would continue to have sex with each other until one of us enters into a committed relationship.  This has been going on for about 2 years.
She has been dating another guy now for about 1 year, but she will not sleep with him until he proposes to her.
My thoughts are that it should be her responsibility since she could have opted to NOT tell me about him.  If she had not told me about him, how would I know?

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"Look at da Chort?!  He's gone mad wit power!"

Belgareth

Member

Re: cheating

if a person in a relationship cheats with someone who knows that they are in a relationship, is it the moral responsibility of the person not in the relationship to not go through with it? Or does the responsibility rest soley on the person in the relationship?  Or is it both?

I'm just curious to what people, particulary men thought about this, after having witnessed a rather dramatic scene on the street recently.

Interesting question. It is assumed that the male gender will always accept if offered a sexual encounter "on a plate". I believe that a high percentage of them will but this is not a documented fact. Equally, there are females about whom the same thing could be stated. A "relationship" is a state which is mutually agreed and accepted by both parties, although these components are often assumed rather than verbalised.

I do not believe that either person in a relationship has any right to feel that they can exert ownership over the other. We have a right to freedom to do what we like, within reasonable bounds. My own relationships over the years has always resulted in my various partners having sexual affairs with someone else because they have the freedom to do so. The puzzling thing is that those same partners then complained that I didn't care about them because I allowed them to do it.

In light of my own experiences, I cannot attribute blame, or responsibility, to either the person in the relationship or the one with whom they cheat.

I can only see a relationship working if the people concerned are of a like mind about all aspects of their relationship, otherwise it will always fail. That's as close as I can get to an answer.

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theda

Member

Re: cheating

no no, the question is more specific than that.

if two people are having an affair-

is it the moral responsibility of the person whose in a relationship, or the person he's having an affair with (whose not in that relationship), or is it both?

I think i've decided that the responsibility lies with the person in the relationship. The person who is the "other" is not a part of that person's relationship therefore it's really not their responsibility to “do the right thing” (not that I’m condoning sleeping with other people’s lovers).

I've thought about this after seeing a woman run yelling after a girl she thought was with her boyfriend, calling her a slut and what not. But he's the one whose loyalty was tied to her yes? So why attack the woman?

Anyway, these are just random thoughts in my insomniac head

Belgareth

Member

Re: cheating

no no, the question is more specific than that.

if two people are having an affair-

is it the moral responsibility of the person whose in a relationship, or the person he's having an affair with (whose not in that relationship), or is it both?

I think i've decided that the responsibility lies with the person in the relationship. The person who is the "other" is not a part of that person's relationship therefore it's really not their responsibility to “do the right thing” (not that I’m condoning sleeping with other people’s lovers).

I've thought about this after seeing a woman run yelling after a girl she thought was with her boyfriend, calling her a slut and what not. But he's the one whose loyalty was tied to her yes? So why attack the woman?

Anyway, these are just random thoughts in my insomniac head

Ah Ha! Now I know where you're coming from, yes you're right. It is the resposibility of the person in the relationship and not the third party.

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Gimme_Danger

Member

Re: cheating

It is the resposibility of the person in the relationship and not the third party.

I agree, I have a friend who is married with 2 kids....I found out that he has a thing going with another woman. His wife doesnt know as far as I can tell but my wife and I have chosen not to tell her. This is straining our friendship and has broken frienships between him and other mutual friends. All very messy.

Bottom line is, we decided that the moral responsibility lies with him and if we interfered his wife and kids may be worse off knowing

voyeur2

Member

Re: cheating

if a person in a relationship cheats with someone who knows that they are in a relationship, is it the moral responsibility of the person not in the relationship to not go through with it? Or does the responsibility rest soley on the person in the relationship?  Or is it both?

I'm just curious to what people, particulary men thought about this, after having witnessed a rather dramatic scene on the street recently.

Man here.  I have been in a number of relationships.  When I was in an exclusive one I did have a number of opportunities trolled past me in quite obvious form, but always felt I did not want to include myself in the group of people I felt were cheaters - so I declined or ignored the 'message'.  Now that I am older and also have found that my partner was cheating on me, I sometimes wonder what the 'opportunities' might have produced.

I do think it is a shared responsibility, which depends on the nature of the relationships, the motivation involved, who made the first approach, and how.

Secret recreation is dangerous to relationships and you never know where that other wick has been dipping, that other honeypot being stirred.  All you really know is that disease risk wise you are now involving another person without  their knowlege, and you are consorting with someone who is willing to risk it and the other person.  Not exactly high moral ground.

So each outside liasion should be agknowleged beore the unsuspecting person is exposed to that risk.

It takes a long time for aids and other std to be detectable,, whilst they are transmittable.  So after the event testing is not at all reliable, as well before the event is equally unreliable.

A busy hooker can service 20 or more men in a single day.  The last one is exposed to twenty times the risk factor as the first - for that day alone.  Infected working girls still need to make a living - so . . . and many do not even test regularly.
Condoms have a 2 percent failure rate in preventing pregnancy.  What makes you sure the philanderer is not also consorting with someone who has been recently exposed or infected?

Cheating is Unethical?

yes if you do not tell.

Also just plain stupid if you do not know the other cheater and their other partners really well.

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Have I ever lied to you before?

Naomi

Member

Re: cheating

hi,

personally I think by knowing someone is in a relationship and then cheating is endorsing cheating. cheating shouldn't be called cheating because relationships aren't competitions, but because the act requires deception then I believe one has a responsibility to be honest and open in this world for the better of everything.

Also cheating hurts people, so why from any angle would you want to hurt someone. Getting someone to hit someone is considered as bad as hitting someone, so to me, it comes down to being humane and caring. Although this doesn't mean mistakes can't happen, people can act without thinking, its a gray area with splatterings of black & white.