#1 April 22nd, 2007 01:46 PM

liberation

Member

Pressure Not to Use Condoms

So my woman has a package full of info after she had a gyno visit at Planned Parenthood, and she's sitting on the couch and reading to me all this STD info. I say, "Yeah, really, who in their right mind wouldn't use a condom?" She proceeds to tell me that several of her female friends do not because either their partners don't like to, or they figure that whatever random tryst they have won't. These women use various forms of birth control, just not condoms. One of them, surprise, surprise, has contracted an STD, and has had two subsequent operations.

My question is this: How many of you have felt pressured to not use a condom, and how did you deal with it? Can anyone confess to being an anti-condom NAZI, and if so, what's the deal?

Personal Liberation

ozzyzorda

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

I'll be honest. Neither I nor mai girlfriend like condoms. I don't like them because I sometimes have it hard to keep it hard with a condom on.

liberation

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

Well, if you both truly prefer not to then it is mutual. Each their own.

I'm curious, however, of an unequal opinion which became a pressure. This may not be the best forum to ask the question, since the artists here have proven a strong sense of character by being artists.

delia

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

I'm a big proponent of safer sex/sex education/anything else that revolves around being an educated, sex-positive badass. As much as I preach the use of condoms any chance I get, I don't use them personally because I use my long-term monogamous relationship as a form of safer sex (coupled with an IUD as birth control). Outside of my relationship, condoms would be a must.

One thing people never talk about is barriers during ORAL sex (e.g. a dental dam or a condom). A lot of people don't realize that you can contract a sexually transmitted infection through oral sex. And while you don't have to worry too much about getting HIV, the idea of gonorrehea of the throat is absolutely terrifying! If your mate has a cold sore, you could contract genital herpes. Yet NO ONE I know uses protection during oral sex. The weird thing is, it isn't so much a pressure as it is some kind of given. Discuss!

(sorry - it appears I stepped onto my sex ed soapbox)

liberation

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

Thanks Delia. Hmmm, oral protection. I have never seen a dental dam, nor seen them for sale. I would imagine, if I was so inclined, I could get them at Planned Parenthood. Nonetheless, the idea of licking rubber is pretty undesirable. I'm not big into fellatio, and couldn't ask someone else to suck on rubber, so I guess I'll just skip that with the next random partner.

The hard question is, if I'm with a random partner do I: a) pull out a dental dam and take the chance that she'll think I think she is dirty, b) skip cunnilingus and just be a jerk and pretend I have no idea how to pleasure a woman nor what her hints mean, c) go for it and take the risk.

Agamemnon

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

.....................
One thing people never talk about is barriers during ORAL sex (e.g. a dental dam or a condom). A lot of people don't realize that you can contract a sexually transmitted infection through oral sex. And while you don't have to worry too much about getting HIV, the idea of gonorrehea of the throat is absolutely terrifying!
..............

Quite seriously HIV is something to worry about in the oral sex case too.  Take for example the case of a gum bleed  (fairly common with vigorous tooth brushing or whatever) and menstral blood.  There's definite blood to blood contact here.

turtleman

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

It is very good that this talked about here.

I haven't heard about the dental dam either.....

mmmhhh.....very complicated......yet very vital....after all it's our health that's at risk.

liberation

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

Quite seriously HIV is something to worry about in the oral sex case too.  Take for example the case of a gum bleed  (fairly common with vigorous tooth brushing or whatever) and menstral blood.  There's definite blood to blood contact here.

Good point, I have a friend with hemophilia, his gums bleed regularly. I'll have to ask him what he does.

Personal Liberation

blissed

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

The hard question is, if I'm with a random partner do I: a) pull out a dental dam and take the chance that she'll think I think she is dirty, b) skip cunnilingus and just be a jerk and pretend I have no idea how to pleasure a woman nor what her hints mean, c) go for it and take the risk.

The best thing to do is only have sex with someone you feel you can talk about these things too, then theres no problem. I love giving affection and the sex that springs from that is just sooo nice!! even if it's Bdsm. 

.

liberation

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

The best thing to do is only have sex with someone you feel you can talk about these things too, then theres no problem. I love giving affection and the sex that springs from that is just sooo nice!! even if it's Bdsm. 

.

It is a good thought, certainly. Unfortunately, lust is driving me closer to polyamority everyday.

blissed

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

The best thing to do is only have sex with someone you feel you can talk about these things too, then theres no problem. I love giving affection and the sex that springs from that is just sooo nice!! even if it's Bdsm. 

.

It is a good thought, certainly. Unfortunately, lust is driving me closer to polyamority everyday.

Don't get me wrong Lib, that thought includes polyamority or any other interesting arangement that's comfortable :)

.

Last edited by blissed (April 27th, 2007 05:18 AM)

neewollah

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

It's quite simple, just have sex within a serious relationship. Stop having one night stands.

On a serious relationship, once both are clear of STDs, you can use any other birthcontrol form and skip condoms. Condomless sex is WAY better than sex with a condom, both in the sensation and the intimacy sides, it can't be compared.

blissed

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

Ha ha this a closed loop descussion now :)

As much as I preach the use of condoms any chance I get, I don't use them personally because I use my long-term monogamous relationship as a form of safer sex (coupled with an IUD as birth control). Outside of my relationship, condoms would be a must.

.

blissed

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

No it's not.

blissed

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

Yes it is.

blissed

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

No it's not.

blissed

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

Yes it is.

SCSIgirl

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

Yes it is.

It has to be......   a condom is a closed loop!  Well,  at least when it comes out of the package.

---

"Apple of my Eye", "bated breath", "brave new world", "caught red-handed" - all coined by Shakespeare.

ozzyzorda

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

I have only Seen a dental dam once. That was during an STD slideshow viewing for school. and he pulled out a DD and all it is is a square piece of latex anywhere from 3x3 inches to 5x5 inches (metrics conversions anyone??). Though like many others have posted here, I have never seen them for sale. I stick to the same girl and don't mind the taste or smell. As a matter of fact the taste and smell work as an aphrodisiac(sp?) and help put me more in the mood(I am a male by-the-way). So the idea of a dental dam have never crossed mai mind.

Last edited by ozzyzorda (May 4th, 2007 02:07 AM)

delia

Member

Re: Pressure Not to Use Condoms

Quite seriously HIV is something to worry about in the oral sex case too.  Take for example the case of a gum bleed  (fairly common with vigorous tooth brushing or whatever) and menstral blood.  There's definite blood to blood contact here.

While it CAN definitely happen, the chance is estimated to be something between 1 in 4,000 and 1 in 12,000. As far as oral sex is concerned, one is much more likely to contract herpes or gonorrhea from oral sex than HIV (do a quick Google search if you don't believe me). Regardless of stats, the point remains that you can spread STIs through oral sex. And as the responses on this board have shown, not too many people know that, know how to protect themselves, or worry that much about it.

As preachy as I am about safe sex, I have never used a dental dam nor a condom while giving or receiving oral sex. The whole fun of oral sex is, well, the oral part of it. The taste and other sensual aspects, not pressure against latex.

I'd say the best protection we can all work on is being totally candid and honest with our partners. Pre-any-type-of-sex with a new partner, I always ask a round of questions: "When were you last tested? What were the results? Have you been with any new people since your last test?" etc. It may seem clinical, but I like to mix in a few questions that make me seem less like a doctor and also help the experience such as: "Where do you really like to be touched? Any place on your body you don't like being touched?" etc. I think it's also really important to convey to a partner that even if they do have an STI, it doesn't mean sex is completely out of the question. It's the stigma and shame around STIs that's causing the epidemic proportions here in the states; if we could all be honest with each other without fear of judgement or chastisment, we'd all be better off. </idealism>