#1 May 27th, 2006 12:11 AM

katt

Member

ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

i've got a friend at work, and his wife is storking me because she thinks were haveing it on (its sooooooo not true) but she is frightning me she keeps ringing me (home and mob) and she was at work the other day waiteing for me in the car park. i hade to drive my friends car home HELP any ideas how to handle this without the police. i think shes now well.

mwaz katt

paintjam

Member

Re: ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

i've got a friend at work, and his wife is storking me because she thinks were haveing it on (its sooooooo not true) but she is frightning me she keeps ringing me (home and mob) and she was at work the other day waiteing for me in the car park. i hade to drive my friends car home HELP any ideas how to handle this without the police. i think shes now well.

mwaz katt

whatever gives her that idea?

i would put some finality to it my meeting with her and getting it out in the open, but i would do it with some of my friends on hand  in case she gets physically nasty.

one sided romances and one sided mindsets that something is what is is, WHEN IT ISN'T, can drive a person to do desperate things.

remember to have someone with you.

good luck
jamie

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'stay beautiful'

paintjam

Member

Re: ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

i've got a friend at work, and his wife is storking me because she thinks were haveing it on (its sooooooo not true) but she is frightning me she keeps ringing me (home and mob) and she was at work the other day waiteing for me in the car park. i hade to drive my friends car home HELP any ideas how to handle this without the police. i think shes now well.

mwaz katt

http://www.musicbizadvice.com/jealous_lovers.htm

here are so do's and don't for lovers.
perhaps you can give her some advice....;)

jamie

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'stay beautiful'

Belgareth

Member

Re: ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

i've got a friend at work, and his wife is storking me because she thinks were haveing it on (its sooooooo not true) but she is frightning me she keeps ringing me (home and mob) and she was at work the other day waiteing for me in the car park. i hade to drive my friends car home HELP any ideas how to handle this without the police. i think shes now well.

mwaz katt

I get a sense that your friend maybe exagerating your friendship in the wrong quarters. as this is often the cause of wives jumping to the wrong conclusions.

I will agree that you do need to bring the whole thing out into the open, preferably with some other bodies around you.

The female gender is very good at getting the wrong end of the stick but is also far better than the male gender at addressing and resolving issues at point-blank range.

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[color="Red"]require "help.pl";[/color]

katt

Member

Re: ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

We went out a fue times for coffee thats why she thinks this i did speek to her yesterday on the phone and told her shes being stupid and got the wrong idea shes also been ringing our other friends from work who keep telling her the same. she said to me yesterday "its ok hes told me everything i just wish hed told me earlyer"  but he didnt even know shes been ringing us untill yesterday when we told him. i told him last night that she rang me again he doesnt no what to do ether.

mwaz katt

catt

Member

Re: ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

We went out a fue times for coffee thats why she thinks this i did speek to her yesterday on the phone and told her shes being stupid and got the wrong idea shes also been ringing our other friends from work who keep telling her the same. she said to me yesterday "its ok hes told me everything i just wish hed told me earlyer"  but he didnt even know shes been ringing us untill yesterday when we told him. i told him last night that she rang me again he doesnt no what to do ether.

mwaz katt

I agree with Jamie and Bel - you need to approach this woman and deal with the issue once and for all...but if there IS something between yourself and her beau, you need to own up to that, too.  Do it in a safe place, with lots of people around, and make sure that the man in question is aware of what's going on also.  Honesty is the best way of dispelling potential future ugliness.

As for her 'stalking' you - I believe there's a big difference between actual stalking and just being an annoyance.  'Stalking' is much-overused in today's society (typically employed as an attention-seeking device by the 'victim'), which tends to undermine the seriousness of an actual case of stalking - a scenario which can escalate into something potentially dangerous...and which the police can legally do very little about until it reaches a stage of boiling point.  If you're really concerned about this woman and her actions, the one thing you can do now is document it - everything - every phone call, drop-in.  Every time she makes contact with you, or people connected to you.  Keep a diary of the time and method of harrassment.  This diary will prove invaluable should the situation reach a point where the authorities need become involved.

But for now, I believe it all to be a misunderstanding on behalf of a slightly overzealous and paranoid wife.  On the flipside, perhaps there is good reason as to why she feels this way - past behaviour of her husband in relation to cheating, or the way in which he/yourself behave together?  If it's really bothering you, it's time to sort it out and move on.

xxCattxx

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the beauty of simplicity is the complexity it attracts.

paintjam

Member

Re: ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with Jamie and Bel - you need to approach this woman and deal with the issue once and for all...but if there IS something between yourself and her beau, you need to own up to that, too.  Do it in a safe place, with lots of people around, and make sure that the man in question is aware of what's going on also.  Honesty is the best way of dispelling potential future ugliness.

As for her 'stalking' you - I believe there's a big difference between actual stalking and just being an annoyance.  'Stalking' is much-overused in today's society (typically employed as an attention-seeking device by the 'victim'), which tends to undermine the seriousness of an actual case of stalking - a scenario which can escalate into something potentially dangerous...and which the police can legally do very little about until it reaches a stage of boiling point.  If you're really concerned about this woman and her actions, the one thing you can do now is document it - everything - every phone call, drop-in.  Every time she makes contact with you, or people connected to you.  Keep a diary of the time and method of harrassment.  This diary will prove invaluable should the situation reach a point where the authorities need become involved.

But for now, I believe it all to be a misunderstanding on behalf of a slightly overzealous and paranoid wife.  On the flipside, perhaps there is good reason as to why she feels this way - past behaviour of her husband in relation to cheating, or the way in which he/yourself behave together?  If it's really bothering you, it's time to sort it out and move on.

xxCattxx

wow.
quad xx  xx
i could not have put it better myself.
your post is perfect.

love your new avatar....;)

smooches
(or should i say screamz looking at that koala teehee)

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'stay beautiful'

katt

Member

Re: ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with Jamie and Bel - you need to approach this woman and deal with the issue once and for all...but if there IS something between yourself and her beau, you need to own up to that, too.  Do it in a safe place, with lots of people around, and make sure that the man in question is aware of what's going on also.  Honesty is the best way of dispelling potential future ugliness.

As for her 'stalking' you - I believe there's a big difference between actual stalking and just being an annoyance.  'Stalking' is much-overused in today's society (typically employed as an attention-seeking device by the 'victim'), which tends to undermine the seriousness of an actual case of stalking - a scenario which can escalate into something potentially dangerous...and which the police can legally do very little about until it reaches a stage of boiling point.  If you're really concerned about this woman and her actions, the one thing you can do now is document it - everything - every phone call, drop-in.  Every time she makes contact with you, or people connected to you.  Keep a diary of the time and method of harrassment.  This diary will prove invaluable should the situation reach a point where the authorities need become involved.

But for now, I believe it all to be a misunderstanding on behalf of a slightly overzealous and paranoid wife.  On the flipside, perhaps there is good reason as to why she feels this way - past behaviour of her husband in relation to cheating, or the way in which he/yourself behave together?  If it's really bothering you, it's time to sort it out and move on.

xxCattxx

there realy is NOTHING going on between us we just work together, its strange but i think she IS unwell i have spoken to the police but they wernt much help but thanx all for uour support and ideas its healped a lot

mwaz katt

Elfman

Member

Re: ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

Catt's advice is very sound I think.  You also need to find out if she has a history of this kind of behaviour.  As so many have said you must avoid a one-on-one confrontation at all costs.

Elfman.

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Honi Soit Qui Mal Y Pense.

LeoBloom

Member

Re: ideas please!!!!!!!!!!

This kind of situation you describe, Katt, is most unfortunate, and probably very little can be done. The husband of a woman whom I was seeing for professional purposes once asked to see me privately. It turned out that he was convinced that I was having an affair with his wife (I don’t want to sound sexist, but, given the lady’s appearance, age and general personality, it was most unlikely). He wasn’t the classic irate husband; it was all very calm and civilised, and in his version of events, his wife (I’ve no idea for what reason) had hinted to him that something was going on, perhaps to arouse flagging interest on his part. He claimed he was telling me this to warn me, because his wife, though not unbalanced, was emotionally delicate, and he was worried that an affair might upset her seriously. However, he did not want to contemplate the possibility that she was so emotionally delicate that she was inventing a non-existent affair, and refused to believe my assurances that he had nothing to worry about. He left, snorting that I did not have the courage and decency to come clean about things, and forbidding me to ever mention this meeting to his wife – whom, fortunately, I never had to see in private again.
I’ve also had the far more unpleasant experience of being stalked by a mentally deranged woman nearly half my age. Again, it was my professional life that brought us together, though I had never actually exchanged a word with her when she became convinced that I was in love with her. She telephoned obsessively, often thirty or more times a day, including the dead of night, and extended these attentions to anyone she could get in touch with, who was in some way connected to me. This was bad enough – and it was additionally worrying, because some of her comments indicated that she must have followed me and members of my family, as she seemed extraordinarily well-informed about us. But she also created disruption at my workplace, and on a couple of occasions tried to break into my house (at the time I had young children). Sometimes she seemed prostrate with adoration, sometimes insanely furious – but whatever the emotion of the moment, it was excessive.
It seemed to be a rather virulent form of de Clerambault’s Syndrome (named after the French doctor who discovered it, who had a patient, a Parisian woman, who would stand for days outside Buckingham Palace, convinced George V was communicating with her by the positioning of the curtains).
The country I live in (sorry to sound so mysterious, but I don’t want to give further hostages to fortune) is not very sensitive to the problem, and there is practically nothing a victim can do until he or she is physically assaulted. On one occasion, when I had called the police round, as she was laying siege to my house, interestingly it was the policewoman who sized up and understood the situation perfectly as soon as I started to explain it. Her male colleague was still scratching his head when they left, faced with something beyond his powers of imagination.
Twelve years have gone by since this started, and there have been periods of several years of silence from her, when, presumably, she is properly medicated. But it has started up again now, and I can never feel 100% certain I am not going to be faced with her again, or that it is not her on the other end of the line when the phone rings. Fortunately for me, she seems to have fairly free-floating obsessions, and they have attached themselves principally now to one of my colleagues. I gather the condition is more or less incurable. A friend of mine who is a university teacher has also had this experience from a student. Nothing he says or does can convince her that her obsession is not reciprocated, as sufferers have the capacity to interpret anything the victim does as evidence of interest in them. In his case, one of the things he did was marry someone else.
Probably, the woman you are faced with is not crazy to this degree, but never underestimate this kind of situation.
One final linguistic point. You say you’re not ‘having it on’ with this chap. Is this a generational thing, or an Australian thing, or a gender thing? In my day, in my country, we men were always hoping to ‘have it off’ with attractive girls like you, Katt.